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General News

New Law Requires Sex Offenders To Inform Residents Before Moving Into Their Homes (Satire)

In a move designed to keep citizens aware of any potentially dangerous individuals sharing their address, the Illinois General Assembly passed a new law Wednesday requiring sex offenders to inform residents that they will be moving in with them. Full Satire Piece

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  1. David

    I have informed both my dog and my cat. It was a bit awkward for me – I wasn’t sure how they would respond. (I should note that they are both language-challenged and, in the case of the dog, he often chooses not to hear me when I address him.) They showed no reaction to my disclosure, so I don’t know if they already knew or if they were just good at hiding their discomfort with the information. I’m hoping for the best. *fingers crossed*

    • stephen

      I told my cat, Her only reply was to feed her.

      • Tim Moore

        I told my cat and he said turn that faucet on so I can have a drink and a think. Then he licked his empty ball sack and said, look if I were human what do you think your kind would do to me if they saw me doing this in front of children?

  2. Lake County

    No, I will not inform my 3 small dogs. They look up to me like I’m a god. I just can’t take the chance that disclosure will make them turn against me. Fortunately, they don’t have internet access and I keep them away from people that might inform them of my past mistakes in life. I know I’m taking a big chance since they share a bed with me.

    This article is only fake news because we have people like Janice that fights to keep legislators from passing stupid laws.

  3. Facts should matter

    Breaking News: Sex offenders are not as dangerous as originally thought.

    ^Not satire.

  4. Brian

    That falls along the lines of community notification which is only for certain SO’s and soon to be all it looks like, shts getting stupid fast. They know we’re coming with a vengeance on challengeing these ridiculous laws, so their piling on whatever that can, king of like the dukes of hazard when they toss crates in front of the sheriff to block them off. We knock one down another pops up. Someone needs to take control of this crap, for real man.

  5. AJ

    That it’s now become an object of satire is, to me, a good sign. Satire’s highlighting of the absurdity of residency laws may well do more than facts and figures. Just a little more weight on our side, hopefully heading for a tipping point in the not-too-distant future.

    • Brian

      @AJ
      Put more on the scale on our side, that’s just so messed up, yea tell the landlord or the real estate agent your an SO so you won’t have a home to live in or sell, it’s on them to do a background check, if they don’t then that’s on them, the place I live in now do fake background checks, I know this because a few years ago my neighbor tried having us evicted from the home we bought, the read in on line where it had actually worked in California, but this is PA, they called me and questioned me about my background, I was honest, I said we paid for a background check, he got quiet, then I said what are you going to do, throw us out? that was the last time I was ever contacted from them.

  6. People need to get a clue

    The >So called law makers need the money! They make up Lies And pass Laws So people have to spend Money To Fight those Dumb ass Laws!! Any law Can be killed but it take money too do it! Think!! ABOUT HOW A LAW get sold to the public! They like a used Car Salesman!!!! It will make you And Your Kids Be SAFE / But the CAR is A lemon/ AKA sex offender registry IT is Like a CAR in a Auction. It get sold to the highest Bidder/ aka The public But it don’t work!!

  7. Bill

    What do you expect?, its an election year and the losers have to shot fish in the barrel to keep their seats.

  8. Brian

    Yea it seems to me when all the sht hits the fan and we actually knock a law down and win something it just so happens to fall during an election season, then these aholes easily win putting up a new roadblock for us to drive through, then we challenge it, then they appeal it, then it takes till the next election season, to me anyway, I could be wrong.

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