Living with 290: Wishing It Wasn’t True

A little background – I am innocent. I was accused and that was enough to start in motion a process that was impossible to stop. I was lied to by my accuser, “victim”, friends, OC Sheriffs and OC District Attorney. I was tricked into saying a few words that were considered a “confession”. OC Sheriffs lied to, assaulted and threatened my accuser to force her “cooperation”. During a later pre-trial, in open court, my accuser and “victim” both recanted. It did not matter. I plead to one felony count on advise of my attorney who told me that I could not win (98% conviction rate in Orange County). I spent over five years on probation and in “therapy” after six months of confinement in a half way house.

Now, to the point.

FEAR – My family and I tremble in fear when we see any law enforcement personnel. I know them to be liars and thugs. To me, they are nothing more than a street gang with guns and badges. It is unfortunate, because I realize the need for their function in society, but seeing the mean spirited, mindless brutality and bullying sickens me. We do not answer our door nor answer our phone unless we can identity the caller. I stay away from public gatherings of any sort which means I do not accompany my family anywhere. I will not make eye contact with women or children, turning my back to them if possible. I will not carry a camera. As a result of being interrogated when returning from out of the county, I will no longer travel internationally. I fear for my families safety and wonder which neighbors “know”.

Lost Opportunity – While on probation, I was denied the opportunity to attend my father’s funeral. My daughter married at OC Courthouse rather than have a large wedding to which I would have been forbidden. I could not attend my stepson’s graduation. The children are not allowed to have friends over to our home and are not to go to others homes (the rule of my wife and I).

I am self employed, so I have not had the issues of many others who wear the “label”. It breaks my heart to see all the quality people who are denied employment. I have seen college educated, contributing people suffering and unable to do that for which they have trained their whole lives. That is contribute to society, support their family and pursue happiness. What a waste to society!

For myself, I have lost the ability to get credit and financing. I have had my name and sex offender status tied to my business showing up on internet searches. I have multiple patents and successes but “sex offender” shows up first. It is probably just a matter of time before I lose my business as suppliers and customers start making the connection.

Observations – I have sympathy for those who have lost children. I pray I never have to live the experience. I also know that the damage done by these “revenge” laws will not ease their pain. Heaven help them when they realize all the innocent blood on their hands.

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Thank you for sharing your story. I am not sure if my thoughts are appropriate or should be published but here goes….

While understanding where you come from in how you live your life, I am sad to see it. Whether or not you are wrongly convicted is immaterial – you were considered guilty of something and given a sentence. You are finished serving your sentence. Time to move on.

But from your description it sounds like you are imposing a life sentence on yourself. Why? Now, no one is saying that taking precautions is a bad idea. But… not doing anything with the family? Not looking women in the eye? Not traveling to foreign and wonderful places? Not letting the kids be kids? Why do you continue to punish yourself, and, more importantly, your family?

Is this possibly what ‘they’ want to happen? Not only being morally superior, but making you, in your OWN eyes, less than human? Again, for a criminal conviction that warranted what – 6 months in a halfway house? This is indeed a perfect scheme – turning the offender into his own life time punisher. How very efficient. Just brilliant.

Maybe it is time to show up, stand up, speak up. Seems like people who have found the courage to crawl out from under this rock and take a stand found it to be the most liberating experience of their RSO lives.

‘Taking a stand’ is different things for different people. If publicity is not your thing – there are other ways to get involved. You have a business – I would hope you contribute generously to the cause. Those google results are not from the official site, but only from 3rd party vendors. Support CARSOL’s lawsuit against them. Write to your representatives and tell your story. Or send a graph of your tax contributions over the past xx years – before and after. I don’t know… there are so many ways.

But even if you expect your life to improve without involving yourself (wouldn’t bet on it), I would hope you rethink your approach to life. If not for yourself – for your family’s sake. At the end of the day you are still an American! You have rights. You sound like you are smarter than the average bear. Do not let THEM ‘win’. Live your life like a normal human being (again, while being prudent).

(Moderator – if this is inappropriate, please do not publish, or delete. I am clicking ‘submit’…)

This is another gut wrenching story I can relate to all too well. That you were wrongly convicted must be absolutely maddening for you and your family.

My situation is nearly identical to yours, except that I am not innocent. There was no misunderstanding. I am guilty and, 28 years later, continue to pay for one fateful night.
There is one other difference between us:
I do not let it define me or dominate my life. My wife and I have friends – some know and some don’t. Most of my friends are from high school and childhood. I am pretty sure they know my story.
I too am self-employed. My business struggles and I make half what I did when employed full time, but the Megan’s law pretty much killed that option. I worry that clients will make the connection and dump me, so I have to skip over one of the best practices of growing a business: networking.
I do not take my 5 year old daughter to school – the wife handles that, play dates and birthday parties of school friends. I make up for it with lots of extracurricular activities like ballet, swimming, etc.
Christmas is rapidly approaching. I dread this time of year when I must make excuses why I don’t come to the class Christmas Play. “Daddy has to work, sweetheart.” Ugh.
But I make it up Christmas morning.
What will I do when the Father/Daughter Dance is on the calendar? We are so close – how can I disappoint her? Sometimes I want to just run away, but I know that my not being in her life will do more harm to her psyche than what she has now.
It is very hard for my wife, too, but I won’t drone on about that.
What is important is that we love and live life to the fullest, er, as much as the parents of a 5 and 2 year old can. We party and vacation and have friends to a greater degree than a lot of other people.
I count my blessings each and every day. I am not stuck in a wheelchair at Walter Reid or getting re-deployed to Afghanistan. My face was not ripped off in a bear attack, and my legs weren’t blown off by terrorists in Boston. I am not standing on a freeway exit mumbling to myself and begging for spare change.
I am a healthy young 47 year old with a beautiful wife and amazingly wonderful kids. We have a lovely home in the suburbs, businesses and jobs,
It sounds like you have a lot going for you, too, and I hope that you will not let this BS cast such a shadow of doom and gloom. Life is too short.

Good luck to you an your family.