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CaliforniaLiving with 290

Living with 290: Eternally paying

Eighteen years I was married to a prescription drug abusive woman who had 2 female children from a previous marriage, and was in a battle for full custody. On many occasions she would be passed out leaving the children then 2, and 4 to fend for themselves. When I came home for work on those occasions where she was passed out I would feed, bathe, and get ready for bed the children.

Her ex accused me of fondling the children. I admitted to washing their private parts with a wash clothe, and was soon charged and convicted of a lewd act on a minor. My attorney was a public defender and was new on the job.

Since my release from parole over 15 years ago I have been physically, emotionally, and verbally abused because of my being on the registration website. I have been denied the ability to have a relationship, gain employment, and exercise my constitutional rights.

I had never had a run in with the law, nor have I had one since. How can the website be justified when it is used to gain information in order to inflict mischief on others lives? How are the current lifetime registration laws beneficial to anyone other than identifying repeat offenders?

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  1. USA

    No offense, but everyone seems to be the victim on this website . The stories just don’t add up. First, why would any man stay with a woman who had a drug problem and 2 children from a prior marriage? I would be scared to death thinking I could come home to. 2 dead children ? Furthermore , what 2 and. 4 year old is going to get on the stand and testify ? Unless there was physical evidence, you would be on the clear unless you admitted to something? Lastly , unless the case was strong. (Things where different. 15 years ago $, I’m having difficulty in imagining anyone agreeing to a prison term for something they didn’t do? Was the ex present when you where bathing them ? Couldn’t you have called someone ? No offense, but I would have left her and called child services prior ! Your just as at fault as the woman . You left two minors with a woman who clearly had a drug problem . I don’t believe your story . Sorry

  2. someone who cares

    I don’t have the answer to that question, and I believe that the registry is misleading, exhausting and expensive. My parents always gave me baths and there was nothing wrong with that. Usually, kids are naked when taking a bath, and you will have to clean them everywhere. So, now, they just have to be left dirty and probably leave their clothes on, for fear that a parent might be sued for what you have been accused of. What is this world coming to?

  3. Q

    NEWS FLASH!! The current registration laws are beneficial to no one other than politicians seeking office or approval and victims groups seeking federal and state money for their cause. The current laws never have and never will identify repeat offenders; the only thing that identifies them are their actions. There are many documented cases of parents in custody battles using these laws to get what they wan’t; these parents never consider ethics, morals, and let us not forget honesty.

  4. USA

    Someone , you didn’t address one question. You where working and living with an abusive prescription drug user ? Move out ! Call social services ! Call the father! I don’t believe your story ! I too believe the registry is prejudicial and wrong! Just don’t portray yourself as a helpless victim ! You did it then and your still doing it. That’s wrong!

    • guest

      USA – I’m sorry to see you got a thumbs down for your constructive comment.
      I agree that there are too many victims of their own failings which is far different than the sex offender registry.
      For instance:
      I have been denied the ability to have a relationship, gain employment, and exercise my constitutional rights.
      I agree that they have been hampered by the registry but not DENIED.

  5. USA

    Well, the truth hurts . The real victims are the children . His story didn’t make sense! Get with the program

  6. USA

    It’s extremely sad when I consistently read how many sex offenders like to portray themselves as victims. In this case, the gentleman wants to say I was doing the right thing! He was working and married to an abusive prescription drug user who was constantly passed out, unable to care for herself and her children? It sounds way fishy. Furthermore, she was going through a nasty custody war? Now, let’s be intelligent . What was he getting out of the relationship? I don’t believe a word he states !

    • NPS

      USA,
      I don’t think anyone is portraying themselves as victims in their specific cases; rather they are victims of very draconian policies and practices. It goes back to the original argument: you can’t paint every case with a big, broad sex offender paint brush. THAT is wear the victimization occurs. Not in the case itself.

      And NEWSFLASH, many people get into trouble because of poor decisions and mistakes. Don’t try to rationalize the original poster’s situation. You cannot possibly know what that person experienced in that specific situation.

  7. Note

    Uh , the man is clearly attempting to portray himself as a victim. What man would stay with an abusive woman who is on drugs, fighting a custody war and unable to take care of her children ? Uh . Then , he mentions the bathing ? I don’t by it as well! He could have called social services, the woman’s ex husband and got out of there ! Now , this poor man must register because of the evils of this woman? He makes it out like he was just trying to be helpful and it’s her fault ! I don’t buy the story and you guys obviously do! The real victims are the children !

  8. REGISTRATIONSUCKS

    I honestly have to agree with USA and NOTE. They guy had an out. Why did he stay with the woman? What was he getting out of it? If I were a pedophile, this would be an easy target. So, I have to agree. He is attempting to convey that he couldn’t leave the girls dirty and he was forced to bathe them? No offense, but I’m terrified to even bathe a nephew or ect. So, it doesn;t make sense and he clearly has an issue and everyone who checked the negative boxes after their comments. You guys clearly think this is okay. ITs NOT

    • Mark V

      Oh come on people. I was raised in foster care and know firsthand what happens to many children placed in the hands of social services. Then there is the issue of taking kids away from their biological parents. The more rational issue involves exactly what to do. If you have never been in a situation like this before or walked in their shoes, then please don’t try and pass judgement after the fact. That must have been a crazy time for this guy and it’s not that I feel that he is a victim nor do I feel sorry for him, rather, if he is innocent of the charges, then his life must be hell. I didn’t sense this guy was seeking sympathy nor whining. I believe he is caught up in the insanity of what his life has become. I simply try and understand.

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