Living with 290: Tied Down and Forced Intimcay: Therapy

My Letter to Sharper Future’s San Diego Office in regards to civil rights violations.

Yesterday I walked to the back parking area, just as David and Youngster were converging from the parking lot near the smoking area. They greeted me, and we approached the smoking area where several other people were already sitting. Those bushes do not have enough room for the entire group, especially when other patrons of the complex are out there taking breaks.

We were standing in spitting distance, and I sat down on the wall to tie my shoe when this woman, Nell, came out from the inner quad area, over by the bathrooms. She snapped at everyone from a distance as she approached the smoking area about not being out there if we were not smoking. Dave was smoking, and we had just walked up. I very well could have been getting ready to pull out a smoke, and she would not have known it. She headed everyone into the building like children making it obvious we were a part of the offenders groups while two bystanders just stared at us. She had never seen me before, and had no reason to know whether I was a part of the groups or why I was there. Other people come out there all the time. We all filed in, and I calmly said to her as I passed that I did hot appreciate the way she was talking to all if us, or that she was putting us on blast in front of others and pointed at two people still staring at us in the parking lot.

This is when she started to yell at me and belittle me, yelling, “You get, go upstairs to the director’s office get out of here!” I said no, I‘d talk to Jeff first. I was entering the waiting room by this time, and she yelled louder “Get out of here Now! Go, go upstairs right now!” Like I was some bad student or her child. I had no clue where upstairs even was. One of the other girls came out and looked directly down the hall at her. Not at me but past me to her left. Why? That is where all the yelling was coming from. I walked back there, being careful of my own body language and speed, and stopped outside her personal space (24 inches), though close enough to communicate back to her without yelling myself. I was thinking of all of these things, because I knew in the end, that bad behavior or loss of control would make the difference between who was out of line. I told her again, without yelling or using disrespectful words that I did not deserve to be yelled at and that this was verbal abuse. She continued to yell over my words saying she wasn’t putting up with my disrespect and the rest was un-comprehendible babble including spittle, which reached my face, before turning furious and slamming her Door. She slammed it again a few seconds later while I stood in the waiting room with most of the guys. I do not deserve to be treated abusively like this, especially in a facility full of mental health professionals. This should be a place run, and operated by people who are held to a higher standard not behaving below the standard expected of us. You cannot expect paroled individuals to behave well when this is the example set by those in a counseling center. I did not yell at her, use any abusive words, body language, or tone. I was called on by a young lady as I left who was outside and witnessed most of it, and she asked: “Is that your boss? She was acting like those guy’s mother or something.” I did not answer who she was to me, because when we reveal our registration status, we are immediately discriminated against, threatened, and treat poorly. I simply allowed her to think I was another employee in the building without responding. My point is this woman witnessed the behavior, as well the yelling and slamming of doors from outside in the smoking area. I am not sure if she works there or was a customer of another office, but I intend to ask her if I see her again. I am documenting this and making a formal complaint to you now. Because we have our human rights and civil rights impinged everywhere we go, and registrants are getting tired of it.

Lawyers are beginning to sniff the $ signs around civil rights violations happening all the time with registrants, and there are at least two organizations I have found whose sole purpose is fighting for the rights of people involved in mental health violations. One of them the Citizens Commission on Human Rights organization. The Citizens Commission on Human Rights International is a nonprofit organization whose stated mission is to “eradicate abuses committed under the guise of mental health and enact patient and consumer protections.” These organizations are advising us to sign our documents with Vi Coactus before our signatures because of the fact that we are under threat of parole-violation if we refuse to sign. For any sex offender being violated means they are put in a situation that is life threatening. I tell you now, in writing, that I signed under duress and have made this clear many times because I fear for my well-being and safety if I am thrown in jail, or imprisoned again. So every time that is held over my head, I feel threatened. Yesterday, I was humiliated, and belittled; as well, I felt emotionally assaulted by this woman for no reason at all. None of us out there was doing anything wrong or bothering a soul. You know this group is respectful to everyone at this business location. I don’t know if others have been miss-behaving and causing problems, but punishing me for another’s behavior is likened to miss treating all blacks because one robbed you. It is stereo typing and a form of discrimination. Just because you can treat us in a way other than the way you would treat a paying customer, does not mean it is right, for one, or that it will not later be determined a civil rights violation, and deemed wrong for another.

The other things which I have already spoken to you about Jeff, and feel good about our conversation, I am only listing here because I was advised to document any, and all occurrences where I feel my human or civil rights have been violated, and occurrences where I have felt emotionally and psychologically distressed by this fractured system. I am making note that you were very reachable, and made a great effort to hear my concerns and made me feel that these issues were important to you, the respect you get by your group is because you treat us as human beings with human rights. I believe many of these moments were unintentional, and will be considered in the future as well. Being handed off to another employee whom we do not know nor have any established trust or relationship with, and at the same time being expected to just reveal our private emotional and intimate feelings to them is simply adding violence to the emotional rape, we feel the experience brings us. Having training sessions (bringing in interns to watch)and asking us to talk about intimate details or embarrassing facts with new people who cycle in and out of our therapy sessions seem highly unprofessional and in complete disregard for any mental health concerns or safety. Having been told several times that late or absences to groups require a therapist to notify the patient’s parole officer and then repeating this all the time only sounds like a threat which breaks up trust and causes anxiety. You are, in simpler terms for some of us, saying repeatedly. “I will cause you trouble with the people who show up at your work and put you on blast causing you to lose your job or place to live, or have the power to throw you in jail over the slightest whim.”

Who ever thought of the idea that real therapy can be accomplished by someone who also carries the keys to punishment should be asked a few questions about his or her own inner thoughts. It reeks of ignorance. As much as you want, and try, to sympathize with what it is like to be hated by society more than color of skin, sexual orientation, or gender, and living under constant threat of being revealed to the ones who hate us, for doing absolutely nothing wrong. You cannot touch it, unless you live it. Put on an ankle bracelet for a month, and see how it affects the way people react to you, and treat you. Do it without telling them you are on that side. See for yourself. We are the new civil rights movement, and it is going to become hotter and bigger. Please treat us like you were trained to treat out-patients, not prisoners. I bet you will have a positive result. Jeff you have already demonstrated this, in my opinion. I am sorry every time I have a problem interacting with another human being. In fact, no matter who is wrong, I deem myself always partially to blame. All I can do is try not losing my cool, being offensive, or violating someone else’s rights or feelings. I do not like disagreements, or arguments, and always feel bad when I have been a part of one. I did not violate this woman’s space, yell, or insult her. I was assertive and stood for what was right. These men did not deserve this onslaught, and she would not have treated them the way she did, if they were not forced patients under threat of parole violations. This is likened to chain up a dog and throwing rocks at it. I try to be humble where ever I can, and believe I am blessed by God when I do this, but I will not stand by idly while I witness human rights violations. I would gladly lay my life on the line right now, if it meant change for those in my situation. All I can do to keep the peace is try my best to be respectful as I am assertive. I have been able to do this with Jeff, and even can concede where he is helping me to improve in this area, Real growth, through good therapy. However, do not think I will watch while a brother is treated any less than another human being. I cannot; it is not in my blood. Furthermore, I heard a rumor from another person in the group that other clients have been bothering people for smokes. I take this into consideration and understand, but just like it would be wrong and offensive to treat every black man you see like a criminal because one robbed you, it is wrong to miss treat me when I have done no wrong. It is the same kind of stereotyping that is behind blanket laws in regard to parolees, and this very language is what is over turning them in the Supreme Court. I cannot control what other groups do, or how they behave. We did not choose this location and for myself and the guys in my group I can speak: We have respected all the rules and people at this address. Please do not lump me in as “one of them,” or stereo type me as if we are “all the same,” because that kind of treatment is only a bad example to us all. Be better, show us what good social skills look like, and lead us by example. Show us what an educated mind looks like.

Post script. I feel I have been emotionally and psychologically raped by being forced, under this threat, to tell strangers about my intimate details and also feel this is a violation of my past lover’s personal, intimate history. IN addition, details pertaining to my case, (which in its self is a violation of another sort, because I intend to take my case back to trial with new evidence exonerating Me.) really is likened to psychological molestation. My first sexual experience was special not only to me, but to my wife, and I was forced to discuss this in detail with a stranger who did not even attempt to make me feel safe or comfortable, and under threat. As well, knowing my client-patient privileges were not protected. In my mind, I felt tied hand in foot to a bed, and the rest I let you imagine. With all of this said, I am trying to make the best of this, and better myself in these sessions. I believe any human being can benefit from therapy, even if they are completely stable. Communication is so vital to our mental, and physical health, and I am giving 100% of my effort to groups and on-on-ones. I do appreciate those really trying to help, and am open and willing for great change in my life. Please do not miss read this letter as angry or hateful. I am doing the only thing I can to protect myself and my rights. Would you want a loved one to do less? Please consider my concerns and take appropriate action. I trust you will do your best. Sincerely, S S C March 18, 2015

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