Our family member has been on the registry for a year. I know that in the grand scheme of things, that time is merely a drop in the bucket. We had no idea what we were in for. We educated and prepared ourselves as much anyone can before we started this seemingly endless road thru hell. Read what we could, talked to those willingly to share, asked questions when we finally figured out what questions to ask. Soon we realized that if we didn’t help ourselves no government or law enforcement agency was going to offer up any assistance in navigating this mess they call the registry.
We assumed this journey on Hell’s Highway would be difficult. It is.
We assumed life on the registry is pretty much the same experience for everyone. It is not.
We assumed registry rules would be clear cut, understandable and the same across the board.
We were wrong.
You know that old adage, “never assume, it makes an ass out of u and me,” now, that was correct.
But when you’re a new traveler on this highway thru hell, you do the best you can to make sense out of the senseless. You want to assume that if you learn and follow the rules then you can pick up the pieces of your life and move forward. Instead, what you quickly learn is that between your P.O., the local sheriff and police, the registry folk and any other government entity involved, everyone seems to have a different interpretation of what those rules read. Now, if they can’t understand and agree on the jargon, what’s the likelihood that you can?
Granted, we’re new at this, a year on the registry isn’t long, but here’s a few lessons we’ve learned over the past year that may be helpful, may give you hope, may just get you through one more day if you’re just starting out on this journey.
Life on the registry is hard. It is hard for registrants, their families and even their friends.
But, it’s not impossible. Many registrants find they can live a good life in spite of the registry.
There may be rejection. You may be rejected by family, friends, housing authorities, employers, etc.
But there will be acceptance too. Sometimes you just have to wait it out.
Nothing ever happens fast enough.
Every day you will want to know “is anything new, have any registry laws changed”. We are all working to change things, but it takes time and it takes involvement by all. Don’t assume that others will get the laws changed for you, do your part in helping to make that change.
So, buckle up for the journey on this highway thru hell known as the Registry for it is long and fraught with many land mines, but if we navigate it together maybe we’ll all get through this in one piece.
-Kat
Yours was a great post, but I have been on this road eight years, five of it off probation, and it seems there is and endless amount of surprises along the way. Always finding one more inconvenience, one more obstacle, one more thing that prevents me from living a normal life. The latest, I met a woman (one of the key elements in not reoffending) she accepts me for the error I made (what more could I ask). We have been together a while and I want to stay at her house overnight as I live about a half hour away and don’t want to drive home after our date night, but she has rental properties on her land. for me to stay there I need to register her address, and of course it will come up on the registry as an SO lives there. I only want to stay there maybe one night a week. We agree that would no be good for her rental properties. I have talked with the police I register with, I have talked with an attorney and I am getting very conflicting answers. Some police are saying one night isn’t a problem no need to register the address for that, some say it might be a problem, the attorney says I risk going back to prison and should not stay there under any conditions. so needless to say this is humiliating to have to discuss with the woman, it is hurting our relationship, It temps me to be dishonest, It makes me angry at the justice system, and I feel terrible about myself. Oh, by the way, my crime was a non-contact. I never touched anyone, nor did I have any contact with anyone. Welcome to the registry.
Best of luck Kat.. I have been on it for 23 years, literally my entire adult life. Dont let it discourage you from living. If anything, it has made me more of an opportunist when making life choices. As a result, I feel that I am more successful than my peers, financially, family-wise, and my overall view on life is not to sweat the small stuff. Dont let them beat you, you need to beat them!
Well written Kat. Yes, it can be so hard. I have lost my career, my friends, and some family. I too had a non-contact offence, and never spoke to anyone. Who would know that this would be a life long one and done crime. I have lost jobs, offers, and opportunities. I am living, but barely. My income is minimal to cover rent, but not much else. i don’t go out, I don’t try. I had a great relationship, but she left after I got put on a tag for staying over at her place. Who would know that’s a no no. So, here I am. Been thinking of ending it all. But i hold on for my son. Keep fighting this bastards.
Good write up of the initial shock and experience of the registrant and family.
Educate yourself, participate in groups like this one and your local groups, adapt, and learn how to fight back and educate others whenever possible.
If you or a friend or family member is any good with research, law, or history then please have them participate here in some lively discussions and debates.
Hello Kat,
I have been on the registry for over 30 years. Ihave been luckier than most. I have always been succesful in my trade.
There have been issues and some wonderful things happen during the past 33 years.
I married an old girl friend , from 40 years ago.
She devoiced me ,about 10 years ago.
This was over tring to live with the stigma , and one family member who wanted to blame me for his screwed up life . (not the dope he is doing.) His interferance was more than she wanted.
She never moved very far away. So I bought a puppy, a Yorky .
Well she fell in love with the pup and moved back in. I’m not sure if she likes me any better , but it’s my dog.
You got to do what ever it takes ! We avoid situations , and people who want to bring us down.
We are getting married again this year We are planning a trip to St.Thomas, for a honeymoon . At 74 , that has me worried.
You have to keep trying, Life on the registry is a handicap . Treat it like a handicap , that has to be over come. 30 years ago there was no one on our side. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.
Janice has put hope , and a future in all of our lives !
The friends that RIcs have are ture friends and some are unlikely individuals
Well, I’ve been on the registry for maybe 20-21 years. I lost my self esteem, career, jobs and it’s put a damper on relationships! I actually had no idea it even existed when I was acting out! I was extremely lucky, considering! Today, the registry is a completely new place. Unfortunately, I almost don’t feel sorry for you! If you act out in today’s world, your nuts to even put yourself in the position to get arrested for a sex crime! So, please stop portraying yourself as a victim!
Great post! I often wonder if there are others out there who feel and think the same way as me and my family. I have been on the registry for over 20 years. I am also married with children. We had to take the kids out of school due to the bully problems. Getting your kids out of harms way is paramount with the registry. My wife has a disability and does not work so she home schools the children. I work, but absolutely hate my job. Everyone knows I am on the registry and they purposely ignore me every day I come into work. We have lost all our friends and family on my side and our church has abandoned us as well.
Life on the registry is not just hard, it’s damned hard. It was just fine when it was law enforcement eyes only, but as soon as the public got a hold of the info, society created a new form of jurisprudence called “social justice”. SORNA really screwed things up for all of us and it needs to be declared what it is…unconstitutional. Cruel and unusual is only the start of the registry. Legalized torture is what it really is.
However, I found your post Kat, to be very refreshing. My family also suffers from not knowing all the facts and the confusion is maddening. It was good to hear that there was another RSO family that has the same concerns as we do.
The worst part is the daily uncertainty. You really are hopeless, helpless and powerless all while having zero privacy, security, protection or safety.
My life is constantly under siege and held hostage because it’s been hijacked by this law.
End The Matrix
To:
The Registered Citizen
I am also on the Sex Offender Registry (Ca.). My intent in contacting you is to give encouragement and offer you a way to fight the Registry as I have. Do NOT be afraid or think for a moment that one person (you) can’t make a difference. I at first only had my skills as a hairdresser but after selling my salon I purposed to serve all hairdressers as a scissor sharpener and later developed a way to harness politically my relationships to impact elections throughout the state of California. Just recently a senator called me for advice from the floor of the California State Senate! Why should that matter to you? I can show you how to harness power within your community. I invented a machine to use in salons and barbershops for sharpening scissors. I am seeking those on the registry that are fed up with the crap being fed to them. I offer you either a red pill or blue pill. Take the Blue pill and stay in a life of fear where the registry dictates to you and your family…or take the red pill and I’ll show you just how deep the rabbit-hole goes! I am only offering you a choice. The decision is yours.
____ Blue Pill
____ Red Pill (call the number below)
Morpheus (well, sort of…)
Robert Curtis
(949) 872-8768 (use the nearest phone…)
One word: pathetic! You guys don’t even know who or what Kat is? Do you know what they did? Conviction? Who was their victim? I was under the impression “Kat” was going to address what they learned by this whole experience! I never hear anyone address how they can avoid any further legal issues? Ie: counseling? Church groups? Read a great book? It’s always about poor me or I’m going to appeal my case? Nobody ever owns up to their mistakes! I might start looking in the mirror and realize nobody (I hope) wants to even know this site exists! Do any of you really want to be on here? I wish I was banned for life!!! Then, when just one person provides a misguided (in your view) comment, people lash out on him or her! Ie: arrogant! Ban him! He is nuts! We are nuts by spending all this time trying to make sense of all of this! As I have suggested before (I’ve not read one response), we should be looking to Amend SB 384 and trying to pass other laws that will help us in the end! We now (may not get this chance again) have the most liberal Governor Ca has ever seen! Take action, rather than reaction! It’s no longer me me me me, but rather us us us! Best regards
@USA, I am going to pretend you are for real and ask you once again, and I am dying to know, why are you on this site? and what exactly have you done to do anything you are talking about with SB 384, or with anything to help OUR cause? And what is it exactly that you think people can do to amend that atrocity of a bill? Mainly WHY ARE YOU EVEN ON HERE?????????????
I am sure these questions will be ignored once again as he has no answers to any of them.
Thank you all once again. It’s pretty sad when you don’t even know if or who Kat is! What did Kat do? It’s also rather shocking when people personally attack you for giving a personal opinion? You clearly have to have reached a real low when you lash out at others who disagree or provide an alternative view. I truly don’t care what anyone thinks! I also don’t have to give my reason for being here. Maybe it’s to provide real insight? Truthful insight? You guys can argue, lash out at me or be as narcistic as you desire. Yet, this is the type of behavior that brought you here in the 1st place. Being arrogant, pushy and feeling superior/above everyone is the exact reason anyone is here today/including myself. The real difference between you and me is that I changed my views and behavior! You haven’t! Lash out some more! Where is this anger coming from? Hmmm
Aren’t you the same USA that keeps lashing out and personally attacking people like me, Mike R, AJ and others that post opinions about constitutional and legal issues even though those are the types of news and discussions this web site promotes?
I know…I am feeding the troll…I just love the hypocracy in his statements.
Thank you Mike, Chris, Roger and whomever I missed! Your true colors have come out. The anger, attacks, hatred and need to control via your narcistic ways have been shown in your fullest. Ie: troll etc. You guys can all throw whatever you want at me (name calling/insults/put downs)! None of it matters. I just look and read in awe. Look at the source! I just want to thank you all. If it wasn’t for all of you, this site wouldn’t exist! Best wishes