Recently Fox News did an article on Law & Order TV Director Jace Alexander (son of actress Jane Alexander). Mr. Alexander was sentenced in NY to 10 yrs. probation and registration as a” sexual offender”, on child pornography charges. He had faced up to 7 yrs. Imprisonment.
But this piece isn’t so much about Mr. Alexander as it is about his wife, actress Maddie Corman and his family and the reason they stayed with him and supported him through this ordeal.
Maddie Corman told the Times of London that she stayed with her husband, along with her children, because she didn’t want her children to grow up without a parent. Corman insisted she never worried about Jace hurting any of their 3 children.
According to Corman, she was willing to stay in the relationship if her husband was willing to get help and be the best person he could be. Rehab, on-going therapy, 12-step program, couples therapy and in-depth discussions were essential in keeping the marriage together.
Corman’s decision to “stay” with her husband was met by some opposition, some saw her as crazy or a monster and she admits she “doesn’t like having to defend her choice”. She has no desire to hear about her husband’s guilt and shame and she knows that in some ways life would be easier if she just came out and said “I got rid of the bum and here I am.” But according to Corman, “that’s not my story, my husband was never going to stop being the father of my 3 kids”. “I was proud to be married to who I’m married to. And, I’m still proud to be married to him. I am” said Corman. The couple remain married.
Corman decided to do a monologue show focusing on her perspective of the trauma she endured during this event. The play, “Accidently Brave” opened last month at the DRZ Theater in NYC and runs through July 14. While the play show- cases how she dealt with her husband’s child pornography scandal, its focus is on her own “messy truth” in this whole ordeal.
In the meantime, Jace Alexander is currently producing a documentary about the “destructive forces of pornography”.
How many of us have been questioned by family, friends and acquaintances as to why we would continue having any kind of relationship with a loved one who has been accused of committing a sexual offense? They will ask, how could you stay?
We know those looks of disgust or worse yet, pity that we’ve gotten at one time or another when we’ve spoken about having a loved one on the registry. Some feel sorry for us, some quickly drop us as friends and some think there must be something wrong with US.
We’ve all been asked, how can you stay with someone who’s done “THAT”?
They may not even have a clue as to what “THAT” is.
We know that “THAT” can be anything. The scope of sexual offenses is broad. But just hearing “sexual offense” is enough to turn many people off and they assume there must be something wrong with anyone who stays with a “sex offender”. How quickly we, as well as our loved ones are judged in a negative way.
So why do we stay?
We stay because, like Maddie Corman, once we get past the initial anger, terror, shame and heartache that we suffer, we can see past the offense. We see the mother, father, sister, brother, husband, wife, son, daughter, friend, that we know and love. We see them at one of the lowest points in their lives, we feel their pain and we are there for them. Isn’t that the right thing to do, to be there for your loved ones no matter what?
We’re not turning a blind eye to their offense, we are staying to support our loved one because they are more than their offense. They, like Maddie Corman’s husband, are the same person we were proud of, the same person we knew and loved before this terrible thing occurred in their life. That doesn’t necessarily mean they have become a terrible person. So, we care enough to stay.
We stay and we support and continue to love our loved one.
We open up a dialogue or perform a NYC monologue. We do what we can to change things, we are no longer running away from the problem.
And so, we stay.