Source: prisonjournalismproject.org 4/15/25
When a person is convicted, it is easy to forget they are more than a felon. They are someone’s son or daughter. They might even be someone’s father or mother. They are also someone’s friend. A person might be sitting alone at the defendant’s table, but there are more people involved in the aftermath of a verdict.
The conviction process affects everyone in a person’s social circle.
In October 2021, I pleaded guilty to a sex crime — one count of possession of child pornography. I was sentenced to eight years in prison, 40 years of probation and a requirement to register as a sex offender for the rest of my life. I accepted all of it as punishment for my wrongdoings. But the fallout extended well beyond my own life.
Prior to the investigation that led to my arrest, I had a wife and a young daughter. We were close to our families and saw them weekly. We had family dinners with my parents, two younger brothers and my sister-in-law. We had cookouts with my wife’s parents, younger brother and grandparents. We attended big get-togethers with my extended family, which included aunts, uncles, numerous cousins and an ever-growing number of second cousins. I got along well with my coworkers and had a handful of close friends whom I saw as often as I could.
When the charge against me was made public, people distanced themselves from me.
One by one, my friends and coworkers cut me out of their lives. Most did so without a word. They avoided interacting with me or even making eye contact.
“I can’t be associated with you now,” one friend said. “I hope you understand.”
My social circle dissolved into nothing.
My wife and I attempted to…
“one count of possession of child pornography. I was sentenced to eight years in prison, 40 years of probation and a requirement to register for the rest of my life.”
And people say this isn’t overboard or cruel and unusual. Most actual MURDERERS are eventually released from prison and don’t have this post conviction harassment.
This seems to be a rather typical outcome. For me a divorce during my probation helped distance my daughter and ex-wife from some of the negative impact of my offence. When my new girlfriend decided to adopt, she felt distancing our relationship to protect her child from the bias and fallout was necessary. This stung of course but seeing how my daughter navigated school, family and social life in spite of my registration, I fully understood the choice. As legislation and public registry piled on, it became apparent the distancing was helpful. My daughter sees me 2 to 4 times per week. She’s married, has a masters degree, travels extensively with her husband and is generally well adjusted. Her and my girlfriends’ child refer to each other as sisters. My girlfriend’s adopted daughter has always called me dad. I have kept up relationships with my ex, her parents, and the half of her siblings that can “forgive” my 30 year old crime. My girlfriends family has never shown bias that I have detected. As much as living separately and maintaining some distance from my girlfriend has been hurtful for me, the benefits of the life we have chosen are apparent.
The bias all registrant’s family and friends experience is very real. Without changes in the registry I don’t see change coming. Mitigating some of the damage is at least sometimes under our influence.