I thought to post my story for the benefit of some personal clearing because who can you be totally honest with, and there is the essential part of this “problem” society has and will continue to have with this kind of acting out or sex crimes as it were.
I grew up in a typical blue collar family, but my parents divorced when I was in grade school. That is when this family friend decided to take the place of my father, spent much time with me, I happen to have a crush on his daughter. He molested me when I was about 10 and when I told my mother she didn’t believe me, this went on for years. A little into my teen years I told my Mom I thought I might be gay. She promptly took me to a counselor at a children’s agency, the first session with the counselor started with him wanting me to get undressed. That was the last time I went. Later in my teen years I was dating guys, a cop when I was 16 which didn’t last very long. He had control issues. Not much later on, I met a guy who owned a business (still under 18) and it was an unwritten understanding that we would have sex and I would get whatever I wanted in the company.
As I grew into adulthood, I had relationships with girls and guys, one that lasted more then 10 years until drugs and alcohol became more important in our lives. I was looking for a hooker one night and yelled something at a passing car, which happen to have a kid in it, the father thought I was yelling it to the kid. I was arrested for a prostitution crime and given probation. I developed a drinking problem much later in life and this was my second brush with the law when I made a pass at someone who was 17 while at a party, thinking everybody was “college age”. The person was so close to 18, they had their 18th birthday before I got out of jail 2 months later. Now I have to register for life. There was never any sex in either of these examples. I couldn’t find work, but did quit drinking and am sober to this day. One of the ironies is that I can’t get residence in any sober houses anymore because of this stigma, nor any medical form of alcohol treatment, should it be necessary.
The counseling I went to after sentencing was run by a guy who professed how much money he was making and how he would always have a thriving business thanks to the way lawmakers have chosen to deal with this problem. The two men that “taught me” this behavior are still out there, one a college professor and the other a church deacon. When I asked them both for financial support after this happened and I was unable to find work, they laughed at me. I seem to be the only one who understands cause and effect. I finally did find work, and ironically when the cops watch my house, they are missing the dope dealer across the street. My life is ruined. Some say it’s because I had a public defender. Both crimes were misdemeanors. My remorse has turned into hate for people in general, because they are ignorant of the true inner workings of this issue.
The public is being conned with this registry, the problem is not getting a proactive approach, like perhaps free counseling before these situations arise for people that ask (with amnesty). There are simple proactive steps to improve the way this problem is approached, but people are years behind in understanding what truly is going on. There should be a definite way off the registry; otherwise I see a brewing psychological cloud for anyone who was unfortunate to get involved with this bureaucracy. How do they expect this to be a good thing when there is no positive motivation to get off the registry? It basically doesn’t matter how you live your life afterwards is the message they are conveying. There is no redemption. The public is being exploited and lied to because of their very fears. I am quite frankly amazed that with the collective power of almost a million people now registered, nothing substantial has been accomplished in quashing the sex offender registry, particularly when the results of studies prove it is not helpful, and may be counter productive in fact. My problem started with three guys not even listed on the registry, and my crimes were misdemeanors, theirs were all felonies. I no longer trust or wish to help anyone. Thanks for listening.
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Those three guys listed on the registry alongside you – assuming they should be according to current law… would that make your life any better? If so, how?
Euro, I think my answer would be, “Yes”. Yes, because if there were an additional three people added to the registry for every one person currently on it, there would be 4 million people on it. Now, think about that number: FOUR MILLION. F O U R M I L L I O N. That is a number that cannot be easily or comfortably ignored. FOUR MILLION starts demanding answers, solutions, change.
Sam R you wrote, I am quite frankly amazed that with the collective power of almost a million people now registered, nothing substantial has been accomplished in quashing the sex offender registry, particularly when the results of studies prove it is not helpful, and may be counter productive in fact.
My observations of many people on the registry is that they have totally given up, many have isolated their selves to the extent that it is not healthy, have had their family either abandoned them because of their crime or because of the stigma tied to the helpful registry. As a whole many are in a helpless, hopeless state and seems at times to only get worse, so only a few brave ones stand up for the many.
What really bothers me is when you have so many in this state of mind and you keep beating them down they finally have nothing to lose and will lash out, that’s when you might see some real change, the lawmakers will finally understand they were wrong again. AS for as yourself you have to rise up against the odds you have , think out of the box for a job, housing etc. Make yourself understand you made a mistake, Had poor life choices and are getting past that, you are only human, put the past behind you, be one of them that helps make a positive change and never buy into the media hype and the so called lawmakers words that you are a monster. Most on the registry are citizens of this once great country that are just trying to move on, have paid for their crime, most would never commit another no matter what social media wants you to believe. I am totally against the registry, if a person in so dangerous they have to be placed on one they should be in prison. You can and will get past this in time. And one last thing, please do not allow the hate to consume you, that will truly be your down fall IMO. Been there done that. I get angry, but the hate has gone, it helped my way of dealing with people when I let it go. Thank you for your post.