Recently Fox News did an article on Law & Order TV Director Jace Alexander (son of actress Jane Alexander). Mr. Alexander was sentenced in NY to 10 yrs. probation and registration as a” sexual offender”, on child pornography charges. He had faced up to 7 yrs. Imprisonment.
But this piece isn’t so much about Mr. Alexander as it is about his wife, actress Maddie Corman and his family and the reason they stayed with him and supported him through this ordeal.
Maddie Corman told the Times of London that she stayed with her husband, along with her children, because she didn’t want her children to grow up without a parent. Corman insisted she never worried about Jace hurting any of their 3 children.
According to Corman, she was willing to stay in the relationship if her husband was willing to get help and be the best person he could be. Rehab, on-going therapy, 12-step program, couples therapy and in-depth discussions were essential in keeping the marriage together.
Corman’s decision to “stay” with her husband was met by some opposition, some saw her as crazy or a monster and she admits she “doesn’t like having to defend her choice”. She has no desire to hear about her husband’s guilt and shame and she knows that in some ways life would be easier if she just came out and said “I got rid of the bum and here I am.” But according to Corman, “that’s not my story, my husband was never going to stop being the father of my 3 kids”. “I was proud to be married to who I’m married to. And, I’m still proud to be married to him. I am” said Corman. The couple remain married.
Corman decided to do a monologue show focusing on her perspective of the trauma she endured during this event. The play, “Accidently Brave” opened last month at the DRZ Theater in NYC and runs through July 14. While the play show- cases how she dealt with her husband’s child pornography scandal, its focus is on her own “messy truth” in this whole ordeal.
In the meantime, Jace Alexander is currently producing a documentary about the “destructive forces of pornography”.
How many of us have been questioned by family, friends and acquaintances as to why we would continue having any kind of relationship with a loved one who has been accused of committing a sexual offense? They will ask, how could you stay?
We know those looks of disgust or worse yet, pity that we’ve gotten at one time or another when we’ve spoken about having a loved one on the registry. Some feel sorry for us, some quickly drop us as friends and some think there must be something wrong with US.
We’ve all been asked, how can you stay with someone who’s done “THAT”?
They may not even have a clue as to what “THAT” is.
We know that “THAT” can be anything. The scope of sexual offenses is broad. But just hearing “sexual offense” is enough to turn many people off and they assume there must be something wrong with anyone who stays with a “sex offender”. How quickly we, as well as our loved ones are judged in a negative way.
So why do we stay?
We stay because, like Maddie Corman, once we get past the initial anger, terror, shame and heartache that we suffer, we can see past the offense. We see the mother, father, sister, brother, husband, wife, son, daughter, friend, that we know and love. We see them at one of the lowest points in their lives, we feel their pain and we are there for them. Isn’t that the right thing to do, to be there for your loved ones no matter what?
We’re not turning a blind eye to their offense, we are staying to support our loved one because they are more than their offense. They, like Maddie Corman’s husband, are the same person we were proud of, the same person we knew and loved before this terrible thing occurred in their life. That doesn’t necessarily mean they have become a terrible person. So, we care enough to stay.
We stay and we support and continue to love our loved one.
We open up a dialogue or perform a NYC monologue. We do what we can to change things, we are no longer running away from the problem.
And so, we stay.
I recently came across a statistic by a national health organization that said last year the PornHub site alone received 30 billion hits. So I thought about the days I was in court. There were probably 30 people in there, the judge, DA, a dozen people waiting their turn before the judge, all the defense attorneys, bailifs, and other court staff. As I stood before the judge for a CP offense, I received a deliberate public humiliation as the DA and judge told me how disgusting my act was, what despicable behavior for a man to be engaged in. I truly wanted to end my life after that experience. But now as I look back after the experience and am aware of how many thousands of people fall into the trap, and how devious the justice department is in baiting people, I can look back more objectively, and with the stats of how many view PornHub I wonder how many people in that court room went home and engaged in their own secret pastime. As the stats show, a whole lot of people are driven by their impulse. I realize CP is illegal because children are exploited, but really, I doubt that 18, 19, and 20 year olds really consciously “choose” a life in the porn industry, it comes about from a series of poor choices and bad influences. So I’m not so sure a lot of legal porn is much better than some of the adolescent porn. // Before my criminal act I had never engaged in any type of significant crime before, I was educated, had a great job, was well like in my community, did service work in various civic areas and donated to numerous non-profit causes. I was admired for the public life I led. So why did all of that good disappear the day I looked at some images that somebody posted on the internet??? Why did so many people choose to not stay with me, people who used to praise me, discounted all the good I did for the one act of poor judgment I made. And the stats say that those people pointing the finger at me and judging me are probably not as pure as they are acting.
@Eric. You should come see my county forced group clinician. She would tear you the f&@k up for talking like that. Then you would get kicked out and your P.O. will violate you.
7 years in out of 10 total & It’s happening to me. Good bye Charlie
Of course the biggest victims, other than the children who underwent the trauma of being photographed or filmed in for the rancid images, are her two children. But when he gets out of prison in 9 or so years (or less if it was a state charge), then they will have to face the ignominy of the registry. THAT’S when their whole family becomes targeted. Hopefully ACSOL can send out an encouragement letter to Ms Corman and let her know there are organizations that support her and her family, and her husband once he’s released.
eric
i believe he received 10 years probation, not prison
i do not believe she would have stayed if he got 10 years prison.
i also believe there is a big difference with the offense being in the past than it happening during the relationship
will he be able to stay with his children during probation?
Why does any spouse/partner stay with a spouse/partner convicted of a crime? 65 million Americans (1 out of 4 adults) have a criminal record. Why are their spouses not questioned how they can stomach living with a monster? Why only some offenses? Why this guy?
I mean, I can own watch video of children being killed all day long. Not only is it perfectly legal, my spouse staying with me or not would be the furthest thing from the public’s interest. I can beat a child black and blue and my spouse staying with me or not would be the furthest thing from the public’s interest. I can kill a child and my spouse staying with me or not would be the furthest thing from the public’s interest. What makes this kind of offense – looking at photos of illegal conduct – so star spangled different?