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Commentary

Understanding Child Sexual Abusers

[themamabeareffect.org – 4/26/21]

Addressing the misconception that all child sexual offenders are pedophiles and the reasons why people commit abuse against children. Introducing the typologies of abusers to help protective adults understand that there is no set stereotype for offenders and why we need to involve all the adults and adolescents we know and trust around our children, to be educated on the issues of child sexual abuse and actively working together to empower children and reduce risk of abuse.

Watch the YouTube video “Understanding Child Sexual Abusers”

The Mama Bear Effect YouTube channel

 

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My mother abused me. It took a very long time and a conviction for CP for me to come to grips with that. She was by no means a pedophile. What she was involved control. Her abuse was what is called covert sexual abuse. She did it with my older 1/2 brother until he moved out and then I filled the void. It involved a lot of mind games and mental conditioning. There was some physical contact, but not of the recognized overt nature. She was not an evil person as people speak about when describing the abuse. I think She was hurting as much inside as the people she hurt. It doesn’t excuse it , though.
This is just as damaging and much harder to recognize. Spouses might not even know it is happening. It caused me trouble having intimate relationships as I got older. Trust in others became an issue throughout my life.
I have been told in therapy that this could be what triggered my viewing of C.P. , to connect with others experiencing abuse without the actual contact. I have been able to let go of those past issues. I don’t forgive her, nor have I had contact since I left home.
I am sure there are others her that have experienced this kind of abuse from a parent, guardian, or other adult family member. People need to understand that the scars are carried for a lifetime. It can ruin a person emotionally, spiritually and physically.
I am lucky in that I found a person that recognized my suffering, helped me to become comfortable with myself and showed me actual affection and love. Many never get this chance. I still have intimacy issues, but at least I understand why now.

Eric,

I’m sorry what happened to you, both with your mom and the viewing of CP. And yes, there is likely a connection–to avoid repeating the behavior you learned from your mom, you used CP instead of hurting someone. I’m guessing but you probably didn’t really like watching the CP, or you felt guilty and ashamed afterwards.

Right on some observations. But I didn’t use it as a diversion, but as a means of trying to connect with others that had experienced what I had. I actually reported sights to a Federal watchdog sight. They had documented reports from me. I sent messages to the original posters that I was reporting them. My entire viewing experience lasted less than a year. I spent my entire adult life helping others, both in the military and in my healthcare profession. I never want this to happen to another child. My life is over, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care about the innocence of the young, since I never got to feel that.

Fascinating video that suggests some insight into online stings. Perhaps the stings like EDP445’s incite the incident by

1. Giving access in the form of a decoy.

2. Giving the “catch” a situational opening made enticing by the decoy.

Maybe EDP445 would fall into the inadequate typology, but who knows. Not a pedophile though according to the video.

The normally law-abiding person could be entrapped this way when at any other time the trap would not work. In this light, the pedophile and predator labels are most often false when it comes to stings.

Last edited 3 months ago by Ditto

Ditto,

The term pedophile has a different psychological meaning from the common one, right? Scientifically, a pedophile is attracted to children. But commonly, people think a pedo is someone who seeks out to abuse and molest kids. The reality is that most people who are attracted to kids do not abuse them. If someone is disgusted that an adult is attracted to a child, that’s their right to be disgusted. But is also the right of the adult to be attracted to a child. But they don’t have the right to hurt a child.

Using psychological tricks could help entrap someone. Age is not revealed until later. Delays after initial contacts. Temporary ghosting that leads to a dependency on further communication. Flirting that gets more sexual over time. Those techniques can bring out a latent desire, right?

You make some good points. I was trying to limit my thoughts strictly to the video definitions. My point was trying to argue that the definitions could be used by a lawyer as part of an entrapment defense. It could also explain why these stings are still so successful even after all the warnings, which could also reveal why stings could never accomplish the goal of eliminating the threat, because there will always be those in a difficult crisis and stings will find them; but preventative counseling might help far more with far less damage.

It makes me SICK the lengths cops will go to to arrest as many guys as possible doing nothing more than just looking for love online. I personally have never been arrested in my life, and I used to meet quite a few ladies from online personals back in my single days. But now that I know the dirty tricks cops will play, I would be very hesitant to use them anymore should something happen to my wife. It scares me to think that I could have been catfished by an undercover cop, never mind me having honest intentions.

Thus, my advice for guys looking for love via online personals would be as follows in order to protect yourselves:

1) Until you have met the lady on the other end in person (assuming that it’s someone really interested in you and not an undercover cop/decoy), keep all online conversation platonic and do NOT say anything of a sexual nature. But after you’ve verified that it’s not a sting, then feel free to say whatever you want.

2) If, at ANY time, the person on the other end says they are under the age of 18, block them IMMEDIATELY without saying another word to them. If they have already called you, block their phone number, too.

3) When chatting online, use a screencast recorder. This will record everything going on on your screen in real time. The reason I say this is because of cops who will edit chat logs in order to make the mark look like a creep/pedophile when he really isn’t by putting things in there the mark never said. This way, should the person on the other end be a cop and you get arrested, make sure you get a lawyer who will FIGHT for you, and show him/her your screencast, which should PROVE that the cops were lying by tampering with chat logs.

Re: “Scientifically, a pedophile is attracted to children.”

That’s not quite correct. A pedophile is attracted to PREPUBESCENT children. An adult that has sex with, say, a 15-year-old is a criminal (depending on the state) to be sure. But he/she is NOT a pedophile. Pedophilia is a product of nature, not something that came about because a bunch of people got together to decide what was the acceptable age to have sex. Nature had already set that mark – puberty.

True enough, a pedophile cannot be “cured” any more than one can be cured of a love of chocolate. People like what they like and hate what they hate because of each individual’s unique brain chemistry and experiences, which no amount of science and medicine will ever fully understand. But that doesn’t mean that people constantly indulge themselves in what they like, to include actual, competently diagnosed (as opposed to publicly perceived) pedophiles.

The problem as I see it is most people’s tendency to conflate what they BELIEVE are the characteristics of pedophilia – many of which are simply wrong – with ALL sex crimes and deviance. Few, if any, will hear the facts with an open mind and cling to their perceived truth. I consider that a matter of faith, faith being defined as an unwavering belief in something despite the absence of supporting evidence or the prevalence of evidence to the contrary.

The term Pedo as used by society in its bastard form is nothing more than society projecting. Name another species that doesn’t allow females of reproductive age to engage in sex.
the violence associated with pornagraphy is not right, nor is the exploitation of any person. But to label someone in this way is only hurting society. Of course U.S. society will never have to worry about being labeled
‘Enlightened’.

Dustin,
Technically you are right about the scientific definition of pedophilia. Trying to explain to people who will label anyone who has an attraction to an underage person a “pedo” using the term pedophilia isn’t going to change their mind. Nor will trying to explain the difference between 10 and 16.
Only through changing the vocabulary to something more neutral can anyone have a conversation with people. Any ideas?

I didn’t have my 1st sexual experience until 20yrs old. I have never had sex with a woman younger than 19yrs. Yet by having a few pics in my possession of a female younger than 16, I am now a Pedo? What does that make every man that has had sex with a woman under 18 yrs……
I don’t even listen to those idiots.

Eric

I can relate to the picture issue–same thing. I don’t consider myself a pedo, just a person attracted to minors, or a minor attracted person. Sounds a lot better and I can be okay with being a minor attracted person (as I define minor) as long as I don’t act on it or do something illegal.

That’s how I came to accept myself.

Steve

Being attracted to a 16-20 year old female is normal; however it isn’t socially accepted by society. Just because you find someone younger attractive doesn’t mean you want to be intimate with her.

Dustin; “ a pedophile cannot be “cured” any more than one can be cured of a love of chocolate.”

My thoughts are basic traits we have can change and modify over time. Being attracted to men, teens, women, chocolate, children, whatever, can change or at least modify with time and new experiences and possibly therapy. Who someone is at age 16, 25, 39, 67 or 79 : and what they feel and are attracted to must modify over time. In my experience in numerous settings… therapy, groups, 12 step etc. I have met hundreds of people with sexual oriented issues. Only 4 have had anything which would be labeled “pedophilia” of the 4, I knew only 3 of them. (The 4th only showed up at a meeting once and talked for a minute). Of the 3… 2 are attracted to adults as well, have stable lives, are in monogamous relationships (married). Only 1 and maybe 2 was solely attracted to children. Only 2 of the 4 got into legal trouble. Two came for help with out ever acting out with a child. The one who I know was solely attracted to children I have known for 26 years in a 12 step group. He has not “acted out’ since the early 1980’s. Over the 26 years I have known him his attraction to children has changed somewhat.
I do not think that there is no possibility that someone who has a more peripheral attraction could not change. I know my friend of 26 years has a background of terrible abuse which probably wholly caused his (Pedophilia).
This was not an innate attraction (in my opinion). This is not a much studied thing. People afflicted are forced to hide and be silent.
The one man who just showed up once to our group meeting saw the looks of horror and loathing in most of our faces never returned. There is very little help available.

I will go much further Dustin and say that “pedophilia” is not, in fact, a scientific term. It was devised by a German sex theorist more than a century ago but, nonetheless, speaks only to an attraction to pre-pubescent children. It’s a bullshit term that carries with it a “science-y” feel in the [successful] attempt to provide a veneer of scientific respectability to a poisonous project.

I wouldn’t say it’s a bullshit term. It’s just that most people throw it around so loosely without knowing what it actually is – perverting it, in a sense.

There’s know way of knowing how many actual pedophiles are around. As someone else pointed out, most don’t act on it or talk to anyone about it for fear of being reported. A lot of states won’t recognize doctor/patient privilege where children are involved, so that’s another hurdle.

Lock them up !! Lock them up !!

Minors develop at different rates and some are more mature than others. It’s all biological and if one can’t be honest, look in the mirror because you are part of the problem.

That river flows both directions. There are ‘adults’ that never mature. Biology dictates that at time of a woman’s 1st minstrel cycle, nature is giving its approval for procreation. Same with men and their sex drive. No, the rate of development isn’t biological I feel. It has to do more with environment. A child on the street learns quickly how to fend for themselves, while a child in an overprotective home learns nothing more than how to go running to mommy if they encounter a problem they can’t overcome.
Society has tried to put a harness on Biology with morality laws and social guidelines, which is fine by me. But it won’t change nature. Hell, in relation to the time line of our existence, we have yet to get out of diapers , so how does one expect 2 million years of biology to disappear overnight.

Eric,

Actually, some girls have started menstruation earlier, and there are several theories behind that, with better diet being one of them. I knew of a girl in 5th grade who started her period (the other girls were whispering about it and I accidentally overheard). An 11 year old girl is not ready to have kids, biology or not.

Diapers might be a new thing 😉

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