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Kat’s Blog: Human Sexuality VS Human Kindness

Human Sexuality is described as the way people experience and express themselves sexually.  This involves biological, erotic, physical, emotional, social or spiritual behaviors.

But many of us seem to have taken a wrong turn somewhere, we’ve misconstrued human kindness with human sexuality.

Look at poor Joe Biden, accused of invading several women’s sexual boundaries by giving them what they are now saying were “unwanted hugs” sometime ago.  (Never mind that they didn’t complain about it until he threw his hat in the presidential ring.)

 Joe grew up in an era where a comforting hug, a peck on the cheek, a consoling pat on the back, were “the right things to do.”  There was no sexual motive behind any of those actions, they were the way people of his generation connected with other people. It was NORMAL back then. The idea that you were violating someone’s personal space with an innocent hug was, to put it frankly, unheard of, generations ago.  Keep in mind, we’re not talking hugs with sexual connotations, we’re just talking giving someone a friendly hug. Now it seems that some of us, in an effort to be on the politically correct bandwagon or to be part of some liberation movement, have decided that any human touch, no matter how innocent, has some sort of hidden sexual undertones, and poor Joe now has to apologize for “making these women feel uncomfortable”.

Back in the 50’s kids played outside ALL DAY. Boys didn’t stop playing to come inside to pee, any tree in the backyard worked well when the need arose.  And guess what?  No one cared.  No one made “public urination” a sexual thing. It was peeing.  Nothing more. But that’s how it was back then. Nothing “sexual” about it. Somehow over the course of generations the idea arose that peeing in public could be seen as a sexual thing and that made it an offense that can put you on the registry. Peeing.  Who would have thought?

There was a time when parents bought their kids doctor or nurse kits as Christmas presents.  The kids “played” doctor with their brothers or sisters or cousins or friends.  None of it was “sexual”.  God forbid if a mother finds her kids “playing” doctor today!  All hell breaks loose and Child Protective Services get involved.  When did kids being curious about their bodies become BAD?

A while ago I remember reading about a first grader getting into serious trouble, I’m talking “police were called and assault-like charges pressed” because he/she kissed another first grader.  Are you kidding me? I can’t imagine what was going through the mind of the parents that pressed charges. These are first graders, a “kiss” isn’t something sexual at that age. It’s mindless, mimicked behavior, there’s no thought process behind it.  Is this really something that we want to press charges over? Do we really want to play the “my child’s space was sexually invaded” card at the first grade level, with a peck on the cheek?

In the 60’s, it was Playboy magazines and the 70’s Playgirl magazines. Teens hid “girly magazines” under their mattresses. Human Sexuality, that’s how a lot of kids got their sexual education back then because their parents didn’t routinely talk with them about sex.  And guess what, the parents knew those magazines were hidden under those mattresses and they left them there. And it was OK. Maybe most parents thought it was better that their kids got their sexual education from somewhere, anywhere, rather than them having to talk about it.  But that’s just how it was back then.

Today’s generation has internet porn and sexting.  Human Sexuality is learned at an entirely different level. And it’s learned a lot earlier. Gone are toys to play Dr. and Nurse, gone are “dirty magazines.”  Now kids and grownups alike send inappropriate texts or download porn. That’s today’s Human Sexuality 101 course.   

Over the course of generations, we’ve somehow managed to insert sexual overtones into everything we do.

 Invade another’s space with any kind of physical action (i.e a hug, a pat on the back, a hand on the shoulder) and that action could be viewed as having implied sexual overtones in the mind of the person on the receiving end of the gesture. We’ve taken completely innocent human gestures and twisted and manipulated them into something they never were.

 Now instead of two people connecting on a basic human level, we have a sexual perpetrator and a victim. And don’t forget the impending litigation that is almost certain to follow in these instances.

 How did we stray this far from basic human sexuality?

But here’s where all of this becomes muddled-   

We’ve all seen Superstars on stage, male and female, that grab their crotch or twerk during their stage shows.  That’s sexual. These sexual gestures are “in your space” if you’re at their concert or “in your living room” if you’re watching it on TV.  And yet, that kind of display of Human Sexuality in public seems to be OK.  No one seems to mind displays of sexual gestures on stage or the sexual implications of song lyrics. 

Isn’t this more “invading” than a hug?

It’s hard for people from different generations to find common ground when it comes to understanding the difference between human kindness and human sexuality in today’s society.  A comforting hug from Joe’s generation is a sexual boundary violation in today’s society, but crotch grabbing and twerking in front of hundreds of thousands of people is perfectly OK.

We really have taken a wrong turn somewhere haven’t we?

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