Living with 290: My Life

I was born in california in 1972, I come from a small town near our state capital. As a child i was very naive and friendly, always talking to everyone, no one was a bad person in my eyes. my father left my mother when i was two and she remarried to the man that later adopted me. I had a young uncle through this marriage who i became very close to. At the age of three he propositioned me to give him oral copulation. I began to act recluse and refused to speak, my mother noticed that my manor had changed and finally found out what had happened. She brought is up with my Grandmother,my uncles mom, and they said no way my uncle would be that way. It was shoved under the rug and never spoken of for many years. As I grew up into my elementary years, I hung around with my cousins a lot. they played a lot of truth or dare and sexual games of show and tell. they made sure that these games where kept secret. Later I was raped and sodomized by a janitor at my middle school, I did not speak of it. I turned to drugs and drinking became angry and emotional. before i turned 19 i met a older woman with a daughter, i immediately found a connection with them both. I found out that her father had raped and molested her and later her daughter before i had met them. Both of them and myself had emotional stunting we did not act our age and tended to be a little to close physically although not intercourse except the older woman my girlfriend. During the night her daughter kissed me and i returned that kiss again no sex. to make a very long story shorter, later when i turned 19 and had married her mother, my step daughter was in school and speaking about how she was feeling. Things came out. at that time i was not prosecuted, my wife left and i went to live with my family for awhile. after a few months detectives came to where we lived asking for me. I was not at home at the time. I later turned my self in on the warrant that was issued. I did not at the time understand and fully comprehend the scope of my actions. this was in the beginning of micheal jacksons being accused and polly klass issues where prevalent. I was at the time told that i was looking at life, a charge for every touch and action. I decided to take it to trial. I never made it to trial, I was moved around alot in the jail system, the three strikes law was still fresh and the jails where filling. I was lost and forgotten for three years, when the DA finally came with a deal of 3 years time served. I was so tired of being locked up i took it and pleaded no contest. I was beaten emotionally I believed that i was all of what they said, a menace to society. part of the deal was that i would serve ninety days in prison so that i would do five years of parole. all of these things at the time did not seem bad to me. I did a perfect parole, I attended many counseling sessions. I paid all of my restitution, and had to register as a 290a. At the time the media and public internet was not allowed access. I worked hard became employed even remarried to a good woman. I still had emotional issues and a daughter i couldn’t see. (my first wife mother of the victim was pregnant at the time she left.) Again i worked hard to be able to be a positive part of my young daughters life. I bought a home had a good job. although do to my own issues from the past my emotional state became PTSD. I did not know this at the time. 9/11 happened and my world changed, my wife left for another man, I began to drink and lost my job. I would have severe panic attacks. I ended up losing everything and also lost touch with my daughter. I moved back in with my parents and was basically a 30 year old teen. my mental health was not well i was depressed and not my age. then the 290 registry went public and i was faced with graffiti and vandalism. I lost people i called friends, Jobs that i would apply for would not call back even when i was qualified. life became a lot tougher for me and the PTSD grew. I almost couldn’t leave the house because of fear. I turned to the internet and friends online encouraged me to finish high school and to educate myself. years later and several failed relationships jobs i am 42 and a GED grad, with certification in office technology. even with all of my education, good conduct, never having committed any crime since, i am still labeled as a monster and fight to be excepted in this society. I have overcome my PTSD the major symptoms, over come alcohol and drugs, I am a father of a 2 year old son, my daughter is 19 and i am a grandfather. I am loved by my family and friends. i wanted to work to be pardoned, but found out i could not do to my label as a sex offender. I am unable to apply for a Certificate of Rehabilitation. which is the crucial first step to a pardon. I currently struggle to make ends meet, but I will not give up, I am not a monster or a menace. I am not a predator or do i wish to hurt or harm anyone. My only wish is to be free and happy to pursue my dreams of a family and be a welcome part of my town. to help others in need and share my strength and to educate people about the truth.

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