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CaliforniaGeneral News

I Married a Sex Offender

In 2001, about six months before Gretchen met her husband, David, he was charged with sexual assault. After a night of drinking, police found him and a friend drunk and half-dressed on the side of the road; she was passed out, and he fled when the cops arrived. Gretchen (names have been changed) says that initially, David thought he would be getting a DUI. In fact, he was ultimately charged with “sexual penetration by foreign object/victim unconscious” — the “foreign object” being HIS HAND1. Full Article

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  1. Q

    This story pretty much highlights the never ending and always something new punitive nature of the registry. This nation has been totally embracing Nazism in all but name. The people who push these laws should be ashamed of themselves, but they never will be unless they can ever get over themselves.

    • Margaret Moon

      Q…
      Have you considered the possibility that the people who continue to make these laws do not have the capacity to feel ashamed of themselves? You must have a conscience and the ability to feel empathy for others. Not just ambition and the need for self-aggrandizement.

      Unfortunately, the public believes the hype that these laws are protecting their children from hordes of predators, even though the truth is very different. And the whole criminal justice system sees to it that the public keeps believing it because it profits the system so greatly.

      • Q

        I believe these people know the difference between right and wrong (good and evil). They choose wrong over right for a variety of reasons, like career advancement. There is absolutely no reason these people can claim ignorance considering the mountains of proof that go contrary to their claims.

      • Timmr

        It is more like a religious belief. Good vs. the evil demons. No need for proof beyond belief. Gives them a sense of moral correctness, uplifts an otherwise shabby view of themselves and the world. One usually only wakes up when a dear friend, spouse, child of theirs, lands on the registry. They will then FEEL what it is like, not just intellectualize or abstract about it.

  2. JM

    This story resonated with me on so many levels…
    It was 1969, not 2001. I had just finished my sophomore year in high school. I was 16, and looking forward to cheer leading camp. It was a Saturday and my parents were gone and wouldn’t be returning until that night.

    I was in love with a young man that I had dated throughout high school. A older friend (19) of his showed up at my house that day to inform me that the young man who I was in love with was seeing someone else. I was devastated.

    He suggested that I have a drink (orange juice and vodka) to ease my pain. I had never drank before although my parents had a lot of alcohol in the house.

    I really don’t remember anything after that. I don’t remember how many drinks I had.

    A couple of months later, I didn’t even know that I was pregnant. It was my mother who recognized the symptoms. I was in shock, my life ruined. Abortion was illegal.

    My father called on his brother, a well known sheriff. I overheard their conversation. My parents had assumed that the father was my long time boyfriend and I heard my uncle say, “Good thing the kid is still under 18, otherwise he’ll be going to jail”.

    Knowing that I had disobeyed our house rules of no one allowed in while parents were away, knowing that I had been drinking, I felt that I was to blame and knowing that this person was over 18, I froze. I did not want any one going to jail.

    One night, my parents put me in the car and drove to my (now ex-boyfriends parents house) When it was disclosed that he was not the father, my father dis-owned me for a while. I still would not disclose the truth, and my parents didn’t force me.

    That year I went through unbelievable pain. I was ostracized. The parents of my friends would no longer allow them to speak to me. I was talked about, ridiculed, and made to feel like a leper. But, to this day I never called myself a victim. I never blamed anyone but myself.

    There were decisions to be made. My parents sat me down and had honest discussions about how hard life is going to be. Do you put this child up for adoption? If you keep this child, what is life going to be like? My parents informed me that if I chose to keep this child, they would not be taking any responsibility, that all the responsibility would be mine.

    I was pressured, not by my parents, but from the county, to put my child up for adoption. I could not.

    So, I took the responsibility and survived. I could not for one minute imagine my life without this child. He has been the light of my life. I never blamed his father who he actually didn’t meet until after he was 21. And I never asked for a dime from anyone, nor received.

    In 2003, my son met someone who said she was 19. When it was discovered that she was actually 15, he got angry and told this minor to never contact him again! (He had never called her, she got his number and called him).

    He was arrested a year later when her mother discovered a letter that her daughter had written, but never sent, to my son. They had not had sex, but had contact.

    You know the rest of the story…he fought the charges, only to have them add more when he refused to take a plea. He spent three years in prison.

    So, I am so angry, I am so outraged…there are too many words…that my son and many like him have to suffer for the rest of his life for something that to me is so minor offense. Sorry, I can’t get myself to call that 15 year old who lied about her age a victim. I hope that her family, the prosecutor (who lied also) and the judge are happy that they ruined lives. I hope there is a special place for them in hell.

    • Q

      I too hope there is a special place for them in hell. Either way, when we die the only thing we take with us are are works; the things we we have done in this life.

  3. Mike r

    Man i say if your financially able to get out do it before this law takes effect. I have seriously been considering sellin my truck and using what Lil money i saved going to the gulf mexico buying a boat and say see ya. The only yhing stopping me is my 1and a half old grandson and my 21 yar old son. Im afraid i wouldnt never be able to see them again im not financially setso i would be scrapping a living doing whatevet i could to survive. I recomd get out before they enact this abomination if you can.

    • Timmr

      Yes, I am thinking the same thing. Go on some sparse island or remote mountain and live off the land or a favorable exchange rate for my dollar. Thing is, the “kids”, now in their 20’s, are doing things I would not like to miss out on. Actually, one or more of them would probably like to do the same thing and get out of this screwed up country, which doesn’t seem to car for them, either.

  4. HH

    I appreciate everyone’s kind comments. This is my life. This is our story. Everyday we battle with the decision to leave versus stay. My husband is much more noble than I and believes one day things will be just. Our family and friends are here , how do we leave them ? We’re good , people , friendly , kind , make decisions to help others when we can . Our home is always filled with family and friends . How do you leave them all ? How do you not hope for a happy ending of a poor split second decision made so long ago?

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