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Kat’s Blog: A Few Words on Suicide

Back in 2017 I wrote a piece on the Women Against Registry website titled “No More Suicides, Please!

So, I was surprised when almost 2 years later, someone commented on that blog piece, someone who after 25 years on the registry still felt that he “wishes he would have ate a bullet long ago.” He had lost his family, his job, his home, his dignity, everything. It’s heartbreaking to imagine someone spending a quarter of their life wishing that he had “just ended it years ago”, all because of the registry.

What can we say to those awaiting sentencing, those in prison, those out on probation or those who are free but still under the constraints of the registry, that will discourage them from feeling as though taking their lives is the only answer to their problems?

Looking back through old news articles from around the country I came across article after article about registrants that have taken their lives. Registrants both young and old, those newly charged and those already years into their parole.

1998, a registrant hung himself a few days after police went door to door notifying neighbors that a “registrant” was now living in the neighborhood. 2011, a registrant on probation killed himself with a shotgun after he was assigned a new P.O. whose iron-fisted supervisory style was much different than his former P.O. In 2013, a 15yr old who faced being placed on the registry if found guilty of indecent exposure after being charged with “streaking during a H. S. football game” hung himself. And in 2017, a 16 yr. old committed suicide after being threatened with time on the registry because he allegedly audiotaped a consensual sexual encounter with a classmate.

For years we’ve read about the emotional toll the registry takes on people, the kind of pain and mental anguish that leads some registrants to take their own lives as a means to an end of their suffering. These are the suicides that we read about. How many registrants are out there suffering in silence that we don’t know about? How many will take their own lives out of the sheer desperation and fear that being on the registry brings?

And how many lives will it take before our government realizes that making the appropriate changes to these unfair and punitive laws can stop the suffering and put an end to these needless suicides?

There’s a quote I’ve heard many times “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

When faced with years to life on the registry, the problems registrants face certainly don’t feel “temporary”. Everyday there seems to be a new struggle to deal with, a higher hurdle to jump. Being on the registry is both physically and mentally exhausting. Everyday registrants and their families are left to wonder “what’s next, how much more can we take”? Trying to be strong and hold it all together for yourself and for your family can take its toll.

What do we do? How do we prevent ourselves or someone we love from becoming a suicide statistic?

By talking and listening.

If you are finding it difficult to deal with whatever you have going on, find someone to talk to. Talk to family, friends, your physician, mental health hotlines, contact 911 or go to the ER. There is help out there, but if you don’t let people know how bad things are getting, they don’t know you need some help.

And if someone you know seems to be struggling with issues, talk with them and listen to them, you don’t necessarily need to wait for them to come to you. Many people can’t or won’t ever ask for help, sometimes we just need to step up and offer it.

The registry is a “temporary problem”, how temporary, I can’t say, but there’s a lot of great people working to make things right, to put an end to a registry that continues to punish those who have already been punished too much.

Don’t let suicide be your permanent answer to a temporary problem.

Join the discussion

  1. Roger

    Well said, Kat! People groups since the beginning of time have endured horrific persecution by pulling together, caring for one another, and giving each other encouragement.

    When we make an effort to reach out to one another, we can vent our fears and frustrations.

    We may not be able to immediately change our circumstances, but together, we gain what we thought was impossible: HOPE!

    I feel that hope when I attend our yearly conference in June. I know you will also.

  2. e (formerly E since someone else is now posting as E)

    Thank you for this: “Everyday registrants and their families are left to wonder “what’s next, how much more can we take”? Trying to be strong and hold it all together for yourself and for your family can take its toll.”

    That sums it up for a family man with little kids who made a big mistake over 20 years ago but whose life is more and more impacted by the registry the LONGER it’s been. Literally a crazy world.

    • David Higham

      The first thing is that the people on the registry have no one to talk to if they have no support .The second thing is that the politicians will not rest until they destroy sex offenders lifes if they had it their way they would put us all on an island as forget about us thank God for people like you who fight for us that are on the registry I love in R.I. And it is tiff to get help in this state so maybe with people like you and if we stick together maybe we can change things.

  3. Lostanddevastated

    I was only sentenced to one year probation. My probation has been completed and I haven’t even been finally classified. In this year I was able to rebuild my life where I have a successful career Path. Because I’m currently unclassified I was able to rebuild my career but the state is now pushing for level 2 with internet posting. I can’t lose this all again and am afraid that ending it all might be my only option if I were to lose everything all over again.

    • NY won’t let go

      Why not just get out before you’re put on the registry? If it’s in NY fight the decision and get all the evidence you can that you shouldn’t be a tier 2. I fought them and lost but it took a year for them to tell me that although I haven’t even jaywalked or even littered since 2007 that I was a menace to society

    • AJ

      @Lostanddevastated:
      First, I’m happy for you that you have a business up and running and you’re regaining some stability and success! I can imagine the stress and emotions you’re enduring with the classification hanging over your head.

      I agree with @NY Won’t Let Go. Relocate while you and prior to getting posted. If you’re in the State I believe you to be, can’t you move one State north and receive better handling? Does your convicting State allow for de-registration if you move out of State? Can you do your job via tele-work, or must you meet face-to-face? If the former, there are a number of States that won’t publish you if you’re less than a Tier III. If the latter, it’s a bit trickier, but I’d still lean towards finding a friendlier nearby State (PA, perhaps?).

      At minimum, I would be reading up on all sorts of cases and decisions to counter any Tier II designation.

      BTW, if they tell you you cannot leave the State until classified, I’d ask for that in writing, ideally with statutory references. Such a predicament would certainly seem to point to something more than mere regulation and non-punitive effect.

      • LostandDevastated

        Problem is I have no funds to relocate. No down payment for a house and my credit it shot.

        Currently I’ve sunk close to 50k in appeals and the classification process.

        Yes my state deregisters me. Not sure if there are any other friendlier states for the charge of dissimenation of harmful matter (no pics or solicitation just words).

        • LostandDevastated @AJ

          @AJ

          Do you know which states don’t post level two? I am thinking of moving as a last resort.

        • RegistrantNotAnOffender

          Oregon has the fewest listed offenders. Less than 3% of their offenders are published since their state law says only level 3s can be posted. They are risked base rather than offense and its not based on the static.

        • AJ

          @LostandDevastated:
          “Do you know which states don’t post level two?”
          —–
          OR (as already posted) and MN were two that came to mind. IIRC, MN gives “at risk” locales (schools, nursing homes, etc) info on IIs, and publishes IIIs. I’ve also heard they have some quirky, restrictive rules. (Live with someone? They need to know. Hospitalized? They need to know.) I thought NH or VT were “kinder”, too, but that’s just fuzzy recollection.

          I suggest you check out the info on here (https://all4consolaws.org/us-sex-offender-registration-laws/) and filter through the non-SORNA places. I would look at both documents posted, as I suspect “registration relief” may help filter some, too, or at least may help prioritize which States to check out. It’ll definitely take some time to read the various Statutes and try to figure it out. Then again, you could perhaps call the States and get some more filtering accomplished. If they outright say you will or will not be, answer found. If they vacillate, further research needed.

          You could also do a shout-out on here and see who chimes in. You’ll get some feedback, I’m sure.

        • AJ

          CA RCs:
          I was just looking at the file from here regarding registration. For CA it says, “Per Rolfe Survey, visiting Registrants are placed on state’s website and not removed.” Is that true? I thought CA allowed de-registering when leaving.

        • AJ

          @Lostanddevastated::
          Two other resources:
          https://smart.gov/pdfs/SORNA-progress-check.pdf (Pay particular attention to the “Community Notification” column. For our purposes, a green check mark is bad, a yellow exclamation point is good, a red one even better.)

          klasskids(dot)(org)(slash)megans-law (This may actually be one of the better tools, as it typically explains things in plain English and is kept current–in order to save just one child–and is kept fairly current.)

          Isn’t it ironic how those against us provide the best tools for us? So kind of them.

        • AJ

          @LostandDevastated:
          Sorry…I keep thinking of more resources after each posting. Another good source is https://smart.gov/sorna-map.htm. The avoid the green States, as that means they are substantially SORNA compliant. From the non-SORNA list, click on the State’s “Implementation Status” text/hyperlink. You’ll get a pop-up message from SMART about the doc–ignore it, there’s nothing useful in it. Click “OK” and if you have don’t have pop-ups blocked, you should be able to download a *very* exhaustive and helpful document. (You can also right-click the Status text/link and save the PDF directly. This is handy for blocked pop-ups.)

          For your reading pleasure, here are the MN and OR files:
          https://smart.gov/pdfs/sorna/Minnesota-2016-Substantial-Implementation-Review.pdf
          https://smart.gov/pdfs/sorna/oregon-hny.pdf

          The key part of these standardized documents is Section X, “Public Registry Website Requirements.”

          Ensure you pay attention to when the docs were created (ex: MN’s is from 2016, OR’s from 2011), as the cited laws may have changed. My personal take is probably not a whole lot has changed, esp. with a newer file like MN’s. Obviously there has not been another attempt at compliance since 2011 (OR) or 2016 (MN), or else there would be a newer doc. Even if these two were TRYING to get into compliance, one would expect a more recent document. And I seriously doubt the Feds will proactively review (re-review?) a State just to check in.

          From reading these two files, it would seem MN and OR, at first blush, are top contenders. So, do you want drizzle or snow? Ocean or lakes? 🙂

          Hope all this stuff helps!

        • TS

          Because @AJ mentioned Minnesota here, I was just reading at the national SOL office website about the residential restriction meeting which just concluded. Recommend you read it. I find those who were involved an interesting lot, which I believe you’d also find interesting. Minnesota, the state who believes civil commitment is ok, but residency restrictions a poor idea. What a dichotomy!

        • mike r @LostandDevastated

          Yeah definitely do not come to CA at this point with that charge. It is currently at level III lifetime under the new bill.
          PC 288.2 equivalent. Crazy, I know, no pics, no physical contact, just talking about sex with someone under the age of 18.
          http://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displayText.xhtml?chapter=5.5.&part=1.&lawCode=PEN&title=9.

          https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displaySection.xhtml?sectionNum=288.2.&lawCode=PEN

          Go to Oregon anyone that can. I know a guy that has continuous sexual abuse of a minor and he is not listed on their site. Like stated, they are one of the only states that are halfway civilized and only publicly publish level III, and they use real risk assessments.

        • TS

          @AJ

          Did you ever receive a reply RE: CA not letting you deregister per Rolfe survey? I don’t see one but am most interested if it is true or if Rolfe “ralphed” that info incorrectly while publishing it. If anyone knows the story of this, it’d be helpful to share.

  4. RegistrantNotAnOffender

    The isolation factor is real, some of us are prevented from church, friends houses, malls and other places that allow for solid connection.

    Do not kill yourself, do not let them win. The registry will go down, we just need some judges that will see past the hysteria and rule this is not what the founding fathers had in mind.

  5. Thoughtasweak

    It’s been said that suicide only passes the pain off to the survivors, and it’s true.
    A family member of mine was accused (falsely) of spousal rape. He had a record already from his younger years and knew no one would believe him over his wife (who later admitted she lied because she wanted a divorce). He lasted only a week from when the accusation was made. I was the unfortunate one who made the discovery and had to notify family members of his passing after law enforcement came to have his body removed. It was a very difficult time for all of us.

  6. Dustin

    I would argue that it’s better to get angry.* As Schwarzenegger said in Terminator 3, “Anger is more useful than despair.” Never heard of a suicide where the person was too pissed off about something or someone. And anger often fuels resistance efforts like this one.

    *Please note that anger doesn’t mean violent.

    • Will Allen

      Hell yes. Embrace the anger and nurture it. Direct it to productivity and improving your life.

  7. kat

    Lostanddevastated-
    There is no shame in being knocked down again and again. The shame is in not getting up again and again to fight for what you believe in.
    Don’t let them win.
    No matter how many times they try to take it all away from you, you are worthy of living your best life, get back up and keep going. It’s what we all have to do. You are not alone in this fight.

  8. Chris f

    It’s a sad situation that extends to even those not on the registry where their livelyhood is taken away. There was a guy in my group that wasnt on the registry but was in group due to the plea bargain and the sexual nature of the offense. He was also with the sex offender probation officers. His PO hated the fact he wasnt registered and took it out on him by getting his conditions modified to deny him the ability to work as a limo driver. That was his only job he had worked. He only had a year left of probation too. He got so depressed he purposefully violated drinking and porn restrictions and when the cops came to arrest him for probation violations he blew his brains out. Really nice guy that was no threat.

    My only advise would be to not let the haters win. If you truly think you life is worthless than dig deep and find some way to help others and use your gift of life to affect others or affect change. Suicide is the least likely method to help society.

    • Will Allen

      I really don’t understand why people do that. I think I would direct my anger at people causing me trouble. Hard to say what you would do under those circumstances though.

      • Gerald Truman

        “I really don’t understand why people do that. I think I would direct my anger at people causing me trouble. Hard to say what you would do under those circumstances though.”

        Clearly, you’re a fighter and some people aren’t. I imagine you’ve had your ass handed to you in the past, just as I have, but I’m confident we both gave them hell until we knew we were whipped.

        No, I don’t think it would be hard to say what you/we would do under those circumstances.

  9. Timothy

    I just pray some will find the courage to confront those who would steal their liberty in trial by jury. I found it cathartic.

  10. doug

    I think most , if not all of us have thought about suicide . Don’t do it . Time helps , and it gets better.
    I don’t want to take away from the people who have been hurt by my actions . But a little time in prison can put a whole new meaning to surviver ! 30 plus years on the registery , also deserves some credit as a servivor. The haters have done their best to put me down , and failed ! and they know it . We have a futuer now,

  11. Tired of this

    I am finding it harder and harder to see a future. As someone who has managed to reach the ripe age of 40 still a never-married, socially-anxious bachelor who goes years between dates, and an ever-dwindling dating pool, facing however many more years as a registered person with no emotional support at home is slowly killing me. Sure, I have parents to call on, but what about when they’re gone? And it’s not like they could ever fully understand what it’s like, anyway. Or understand how much of an embarrassment I feel I am to them. I live alone and have no social life, and trying to establish one at this age seems so futile, so ridiculous, despite my efforts. Having no one to be with me through it all, to cry with when things are too much to bear, to tell me things will be ok when anxiety and fear keep me up at night, is f—ing soul-crushing…especially while watching my younger siblings start happy families of their own. I have no purpose. I’m just here. I am lonely…really, really f—ing lonely. Not a day passes when I don’t wish to cease to exist at least once, or randomly feel a wave of emotion and feel like crying.

    I feel like fighting when I don’t feel like dying, but more and more, the latter is winning over the former. I even have a pretty good idea as to how I would bring about my exit from this world. I am sorry to be so negative here. Sometimes I just need to vent to whoever may be listening, since I am alone here.

    • Interested Party

      @Tired
      I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. Sadly I do not remember the details of how long you have been dealing with being on the list, but for what I want to say I don’t think it changes my comments.

      For many/several months after my conviction I lived like a hermit and entertained the idea of how much better my family would be if I was not a burden to them. I strongly feel the pain you express.

      I was extremely fortunate that several people in my greater community reached out to me … they did not settle for me saying no to their invites.

      Eventually I decided to try and live life in the areas that I was under the restrictions we all deal with. Part of my decision was to take the risk of telling people early in a relationship (friends or romance) about my legal status. Choosing to tell people was/is terrifying, but after many years I can say the reward has been worth the risk. There are times it blows up in my face, but I have a strong core of community that is living proof to me about that reward.

      I met my wife after my conviction and we now have three children.

      I have found that life on the list can be terribly oppressive if you constantly think about what was lost, what you can no longer do, or how horrible some people react. I have found that life even under those circumstances can be incredibly joyful and fulfilling if you can choose to enjoy every bit of life that is open to you.

      It is terrifying to take that risk, I still feel that terror, but it is worth it.

      I hope you can find your peace even in the midst of the terror.

      • Tired of this

        “Sadly I do not remember the details of how long you have been dealing with being on the list”

        Been dealing with this nonsense for twelve years now, and across 4 states. Last state I was in considered me a tier 1 and didn’t publicly list me…until they enacted AWA which bumped me to 2. So I moved again to another state where I’m not publicly listed. I don’t think I can do this forever though, both moving and dealing with this bullshit.

    • James

      @Tired

      I feel your despair because I went through the same thing. What helped me was, apart from the love and financial support from my parents as well as friends who stuck with me through it all, is to focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have (yet) and to be thankful for those things to the god of your faith (for me it’s Jesus Christ). Also, focus your energy and thoughts on reinventing yourself after the fact. This helped me to channel my thoughts and energy to being constructive rather than being caught up in despair, which really saps your energy as you probably realize by now. Don’t waste your precious time and energy on feeling negative because you will need as much time and energy to reinvent yourself. Last but not least, prayer and mediation are important to keep focused.
      It’s been about five years that I got d/c from parole and a few harassments by police via “compliance checks” thereafter. Since then, I went back to school, started and doing well in my new career, started my own business, and got married last year to the most wonderful person in this world that I am honored to call as my wife. It wasn’t easy by no stretch of the imagination and took a lot of patience and hard work to get this far, but I never gave up and put all my faith and trust in Jesus. @Tired, while the choice to be on the registry is not yours or ours for that matter, you still have a choice to reinvent yourself. Hope you find some encouragement from this post. Keep on and stay focused and you’ll do fine! Praying for you.

    • someone who cares

      Tired ~ First off, you are not alone. You come to this site and “talk” to us. Heck, with all the Social Media and the Internet, it seems that the majority of people only have their “virtual” friends these days, and that seems to be the trend in today’s modern world. I grew up in a world without computers, and we had to make friends in real life, but today, people are more happy to be able to be at home while communicating with their friend via Social Media. With that said, I wanted to give a suggestion that might help you get out of your loneliness. Many people are single and have a hard time finding a partner, but that does not mean you have to live a lonely life. I find that exercise, even if it were just walking or hiking in nature is a great stress reliever, and there are more and more meet up groups that focus on the outdoors. Maybe you can join some of their hikes, walks or bike rides. Some of these meets have over 30 people sign up, so you would not stand out or have to feel anxious because there are too many people that won’t expect you to talk, and you would not be the main focus. You can mingle and fit in without being one of a few people. Plus, you will get to do something outdoors and may feel so much better afterwards? This is just a suggestion, and I realize this type of activity is not for everyone, but these are all strangers to each other, and you can go once and never again.

      • Will Allen

        Great suggestion. I was going to suggest exactly the same.

        If you live near a large population, there are piles of groups that you can associate with. Just figure out what hobby or pastime that you want to be involved with and start trying to hang out with like-minded people. I have done that for ALL of the decades that I have been Registered. It is an extremely simple and trivial way to hang out with people who will never know that you are Registered. I’ve known some of the people forever and I would be surprised if they know today. They certainly don’t act like it or say anything about it.

        I think you’ll find that there are plenty of people who want to hang out with nice, decent, fun people.

        Also, have you considered connecting with nearby Registered People? That has always gone well for me also. Look on the big government maps for all the red dots near you and contact them. I’ve found that to be incredibly useful. If nothing else, you can warn each other about when the law enforcement criminals (LECs) are putting on their “compliance” dog and pony shows. I think a funny dang thing to do would be if they check on one person at his/her house, have him/her come over to your house and answer your door when/if the LECs arrive. The same person could be at multiple houses. Good stuff.

        I know some people like to tell people that they hang out with that they are Registered. I very rarely have done that, probably could count it on one hand, and it wouldn’t be until/unless I’d known them for a very long time. To me it is simply because I’m not playing the Registries game. There is no legitimate reason that I should be listed on a big government list so I’m not going to act like there is. I’m not going to act like the Registries are legitimate. So I ignore it and keep it out of my life. I have less than no obligation at all to tell anyone. I will not pretend that they have a right to know.

        I actually had someone living in my house who “found out” I am monster and freaked out. The tough guy literally packed up a pile of stuff and moved out in the middle of the night! Which I found quite amusing. Then he was crying to me about how I should have told him, etc. I told him that I thought all the helpless people who “need” their hit lists actually read and “used” them. How could he possibly move somewhere without checking the hit lists first, LOL!? Crazy people. I was quite happy to have discovered that the person was actually a scumbag who I should not have in my good life. So the Registries are often useful.

        • R M

          @Will, you stated: “Also, have you considered connecting with nearby Registered People? That has always gone well for me also. Look on the big government maps for all the red dots near you and contact them. I’ve found that to be incredibly useful.”

          Someone I know, me, did just that with you…. and you flat out refused. Maybe that is what drove me further into isolation, maybe that will contribute to me one day just ending it. Or is the reaching out only “incredibly useful” to you?

        • Will Allen

          R M (February 26, 2019):

          I’m sorry, man. The problem is that I don’t talk to anyone as “Will Allen”. I’ve approached hundreds of people that live near me though. They know me, my name, where I live, etc. I’m not “Will Allen” in real life. I’m a respected businessman.

          I post online with a number of other names as well. I don’t connect to people via those names.

          Our paths might cross in better ways. Will Allen is a dick! Peace.

  12. Mr. Target

    Temporary as far as life as a whole is concerned, but be careful as applied to current everyday reality it may not be for some, many or most for it is an ongoing thing AND HAS SWALLOWED UP MANY LIVES and ASTONISHINGLY THE CIVIL RIGHTS SHOULD HAVE NIPPED THIS LAW AND ISSUE …THE REGISTRY, THAT IS AT ITS INCEPTION, BUT “SIGHHH” IT IS GETTING WORSE…..WELL, IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF TIME FOR ANOTHER BADDDDD SOCIALLY EVENT TO HAPPEN…FOR THE FORMULA FOR SOCIAL DISASTER WAS BREWING LONG AGO IN AMERICA! !! THROUGH AVENUES UNCHECKED, SUCH AS LAWS AND RULERS DOING INTERNAL DAMAGE AND SOCIAL ISSUES LIKE SEXUALITY ABLE TO REACH A HIGHER DEBASED STRUCTURE I.E. HOWARD STERN, HUGH HEFNER, INTERNERNET PORN, STRIP CLUBS, ETC. ETC…AND BIAS NEGATIVE SEXUAL SOCIAL RULES HEAPED ON MEN WHILE POSITIVE SEXUALITY FIXATED ON WOMEN ! EGH ! WHO CARES THOUGH….ONE DAY IT WILL BE OVER….AND THOSE THAT ARE ABLE AND WILLING TO LOOK BACK AT THIS WILL CHALK IT UP AS JUST A BAD THING IN HISTORY !!!
    MARCH ON SOLDIERS AND HOLD YOUR HEADS HIGH FOR EVERYONE IS VALUABLE AND IMPORTANT….!!!! LIKE WHITNEY HOUSTON SANG……NO MATTER WHAT THEY TAKE FROM ME, THEY CANT TAKE AWAY MY DIGNITY, FOR THE GREATEST LOVE IS HAPPENING INSIDE OF ME….THE GREATEST LKVE OF ALL IS EASY TO ACHIEVE !!!!
    BE GOOD TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS… “LOVE”

  13. Alex G

    Hi Kat,
    very well said. Thanks you for starting this discussion.
    The possibility of sharing one’s experience with others who understand and have compassion is a very healing experience and may prevent someone from “eating a bullet” and ending it all.
    ACSOL offers an emotional support group that provides the safe space where we can share our experiences, strengths and hopes with each other so we can mutually heal from the toxic shame that is spilled on us by society and by ourselves.
    For all who are reading this blog, and are in need for help to get through this tough time, please contact us at
    emotionalsupportgroup@all4consolaws.org
    We have a monthly face-face emotional support group in Los Angeles, and we are starting a phone group next month.

    Please don’t despair, there’s help and support out there.

    Please email us, we’re here for you and your loved ones

  14. Tim Moore

    I am not saying there are not times when taking your life is the right move, but if it is because you feel you have no purpose, well forget that. Purpose comes after action. Join ACSOL or other groups in action. Wake up everyday saying you are going to do something to defeat the registry. Then do something to defuse the registry. Small things count. Effects are aggregate to wear down the machine. They add up, though it is hard to see from our individual standpoints. No one is the whole show. I went to Sacramento recently on Lobbying day and felt very useful, and because I went, I felt purpose. People are now at least working hard for us. Registrants and allies I have found are very friendly people. Go to their meetings, or if you are not around any meetings make an effort to contact other registrants. You are on a team now, whether you feel it or not. There are about a million registrants out there you can fight for and you can help save us together. When you help you are more likely to get help.

  15. E (sorry e, didn’t know, go ahead and I will stop)

    Ending your physical life isn’t that awful in my eyes. I have done much in my physical life. Travelled throughout the world, helped too many people to count, and loved the most beautiful woman in the world.
    In Buddhism it is said that life is nothing more than a series of moments in, and that shedding the physical world allows the freedom of experiencing true joy. I often meditate and shed that physical burden, if only for those moments. I am not afraid of physical death. It will happen to all of us. It is inevitable. The emotional pain that others might feel is just another moment in their lives, and will pass like mine did when my love died. I look forward to the next moment, where ever that will be in my personal spiritual journey.

    • “Old” E

      Thanks New E. Please don’t stop posting. But thanks for using a different ID. Appreciate it.

      • AJ

        You may be an ‘“Old” E’, but you’re a good E…

        • E @ AJ

          Haha!! Thank you. I’m feeling young again. And I’ll take “Good E” as high praise from my hero in this forum 🙂

          AJ, if you or others attend the ACSOL conference one might make the suggestion that regular posters get together in a breakout and put “face to moniker.” Just an idea; there are several of you great people I’d love to meet.

        • AJ

          @E:
          Thank you for the absolutely unmerited compliment and praise. I try to help out on here more than I snip or snipe–though I’m guilty of that now and again. I’m glad I’m of help to you.

          As for meeting at a ACSOL conference, it probably ain’t happenin’ unless they decide to go on tour. I’m comfortably east of the Rockies and have no near-term plans to visit any Coastal States anytime soon. But were I ever in vicinity, it would indeed be fun to have breakout room as you suggest.

        • Notorious D.I.K. / Kennerly

          Putting us in a “breakout room” would be richly ironic, wouldn’t it?

        • AJ

          @Notorious D.I.K. / Kennerly:
          Indeed! Hopefully registration is not required.

        • E @ DIK

          We’ll be certain to use an online registration site that requires creation of an Internet identifier!

  16. Experienced

    Unfortunately I have witnessed 2 suicides in my life. I was 16 when A man shot himself in front of me, and again when I was in the military and a marine took his life after a very rough patrol we went on. I am sure both men were strong individuals that had reached their breaking point.
    The look in their eyes was not pain or fear, but acceptance of their choice. Almost a peace. The registry is hell for many, and some will choose to escape it in this way. If it their way to peace, then so be it. I think in this situation, the sorrow others feel from your exit is misplaced. They should feel a shame for not stepping up to support you. I for one believe it’s your life to care for as you want. Life is suffering, and those around you might be better off for experiencing the pain of your departure. They should be glad they experienced you at all!
    Just my opinion.

  17. AJ

    @TS:
    “Did you ever receive a reply RE: CA not letting you deregister per Rolfe survey? I don’t see one but am most interested if it is true or if Rolfe “ralphed” that info incorrectly while publishing it. If anyone knows the story of this, it’d be helpful to share.”
    —–
    Nope.

    Anyone in CA willing to chime in? Does CA allow for de-registration when leaving or moving out of the State, or is it a reverse Hotel CA for RCs (“you can leave anytime time you’d like, but you can never check out”)?

    • Tired of this

      When I moved out of CA, I deregistered (same as updating, except giving them your new out of state information). I disappeared from the ML website within a week or two, I think it was.

      • AJ

        @Tired of this:
        Thank you. From what I had gleaned on here, CA “lets” one de-register. That was the source of my shock at the Rolfe note in the doc on here.

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