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Kat’s Blog: No Excuse for Disrespect

As the family members of registrants, it’s often hard to hear the stories of the disrespect that our loved ones endure on a daily basis. They are often disrespected by the public, media, law enforcement, city, state, government officials and others because of their status. Too often, there’s  been little that registrants could do about the way they were treated.

As advocates for our family members, at the very least, we want to confront those who disrespect our loved ones by jumping in, making phone calls, sending emails or letters chastising those who have been rude or disrespectful. And let’s be honest, at the very most, there’s probably a lot of folks we’d really like to punch in the nose for being rude. (Not that I’m condoning any nose punching.) But you get the point, we want to make it all better, we want to right the wrongs of a society that mistakenly believes registrants don’t deserve any respect.

Many of us, especially mothers and fathers of adult registrants, sometimes have to take a step back and allow the registrant in our life to deal with incidences of societal rudeness on their own even though our parental instinct, the advocate in us, want to stand up and fight for our child, grown or otherwise.

Let me preface the following little scenario by saying that I’ve written in the past about registrants trying to attend AA meetings and getting the “not within buffer zone” speech by registry authorities, never getting a definitive answer as to what meetings they can attend. I still don’t understand the faulty logic since registrants are neither living, working nor loitering within buffer zones when they attend a meeting, instead, they have a specific and defined reason for being there. If you know anything about AA, you attend meetings because they help with maintaining sobriety, whether that be once a day or several times a week, with holidays being especially difficult for some alcoholics, they may really need the support of extra meetings.

A family member that’s a registrant was recently disrespected by a clerk from the local county registry office.  Government officials, even a county clerk, are there to serve the people of the county, not to give them attitude. Especially uncalled for attitude.

The registrant had phoned the county office to ask a simple question, wanting some clarification on those “oh so vague” registry rules.

“What are the registry rules regarding where registrants can attend AA meetings in the county?”

The county clerk’s answer was simple, “you can attend any meetings you’d like”.

Now this was a totally different response than the registrant had received from the city registry office where he had been advised that registrants could only attend one meeting held at one specific venue, once per week. (Why there is a separate city and county registry office is anyone’s guess because as everyone knows, a city is in a county.)

The registrant then asked the next logical question, “are city and county registry rules different?”

Instead of any clarification, what the registrant got was this response from the registry clerk-

“I’m not playing that game.” Click. Hung up on.

Now perhaps this government official had been “played” by others in the past, perhaps she didn’t know the answer to the question, maybe she was always a scrooge and always rude.

Maybe she would have hung up on anyone calling to ask a question or maybe she saved her disrespect for registrants no matter how polite and respectful they were to her.

While sadly, the registrant relaying the story, seemed to take it in stride, “disrespect is just another day on the registry, more of the same run around and never any clear-cut answers” as a family member and non-registrant, it bothered me.

If I had been disrespected like that by a county official, been told “I’m not playing that game” and hung up on, I’d have plenty of recourse. I’d speak to the clerk’s supervisor, I ‘d move up the chain of command. I’d want to make sure someone spoke to this clerk about how to do her job with sensitivity and to be respectful towards everyone.

That’s not so easy for registrants. Many registrants prefer, and who can blame them, to stay low and not make waves. Don’t rock the boat, don’t complain. No one wants to be on the “bad side” of those in the registry office, there’s always the potential for them to make life on the registry more difficult than it already is. No one wants that.

So, as much as the advocate in me wanted to jump in and correct this simple but totally unwarranted act of disrespect, I had to take a step back, I can’t right all the wrongs, all the time.

I offered the registrant the names and numbers of those in the county directory (for some registrants without computer access, just finding simple county directory information can be a challenge). If he chooses to battle this incidence of disrespect, he can.

The issue of being disrespected seemed to peeve me a bit more than it did the registrant.

For the registrant, getting this kind of disrespect, had, over the years, become all too familiar.

We need to change that. Everyone deserves respect.

Here’s wishing everyone a happy and respectful holiday!

Join the discussion

  1. Doug

    Kat ,
    It is good to have someone who can put into words , the things I feel .
    I’m not so good at it. 30 plus years on and I’ve learned to not say shit .

  2. Tim in WI

    I’ve got time for a mom with guts and fortitude like you and some other’s around these blogs.
    Like the women who settled the West, America can not have enough brave women. Unfortunately victim’s stance has become socially favorable disposition. Every one capitalizes on the issue.

    That is but one the effect of the Doe decisions and the virtue signaling advanced to necessity of the database infrastructure use by gov. The blatant disrespect for constitutional prohibition on ex post law in congressional Acts severely diminished irrevocable the AUTHORITY of courts. As clearly evidenced in MI, congresses are hard up against something. That something is ” unfettered gov use” of the machine database the ” in the know”deepstaters decided they’d need to maintain their market. The SORs are proof enough the database machines will be used to attack AND were always intended as a framework to impose affirmative restraint on an overbroad scope. The only questions that remain is how far will parties go with their use ( electronic surveillance & storage) to gain advantage politically?

    Texas just faced a question and again the registrants plea failed to convince the court. Why? Precisely because the aim was on the wrong target. Contest and highlight the machines intent you win, you win not if you aim at the predisposed man.

  3. Sc

    I’m a little curious about something that you touched on in your commentary, the city vs. county laws.

    What if the entire registry was dismantled tomorrow and all of its laws associated with it were no more.
    What would stop counties and cities from continuing with their own laws of restrictions?

    • Lake County

      Then we can fight each City and County in court, and win. If the registry ends on a constitutional basis, then we can easily fight anyone else trying to pass unconstitutional laws.

  4. Laura

    As a spouse of a registrant I have encountered that very disrespect which reaches out to even the children of the family by law enforcement, school administration, city and state representative. My first encounter was after the arrest which was on the local news and in the local papers throughout Southern California. When I made the appointment with my children’s elementary school to make sure they would keep an eye out for my children’s safety from bullying and or comments by other kids and or Adults. I was flat-out told by the principal, “We can not ensure your children’s safety. I thought you would sure be transferring out of our school.” After the moment shock of such a statement I replied, “That may be an option at some point but for the current moment it is not only your job but your duty to ensure my child’s safety while on the school premises.” Needless to say the principal was not in agreement and I had to request our attorney to get involve via letter and after the letter a school administrator called periodically to be sure no issues. Ignorant, cruel and uncomfortable for my children and myself during that difficult time when it did not have to be that way.

    • Tim in WI

      Odd how fast school administrators fold under a parent’s reasonable concern. If bullying wasn’t an issue in USA why the media campaign highlighting it? Why should the children follow their leadership and act like they currently do? 3 President attacked by impeachment since my birth in 65. Right or wrong implicates two party extreme agendas. Seems readily apparent these days a hostage situation, or stray bullet is as likely as Sex assaults on schools by a visiting relative.
      I honestly think handing out children’s early education to the federalist standardized garbage was a huge mistake. Keep Education in competitive states! The Chinese do it, math ,with abacus! We’re giving ipads to first graders. Thus too much of the population not smarter than fifth graders. My twins scraped through and graduated but know little of civics nor bill of rights…. ” isn’t it that thing where….? “

  5. David Higham

    I heard some of them comments and so did my wife but when I heard it a second time that is when I confronted that person after I confronted him I never heard another remark from him , see many people believe that people on the registry are weak and if you let them get away with it then they are never going to stop and it is only going to get worse take a stand against those people who are ignorant.

  6. Harry

    The first time I had to renew my 290 and it was during the Christmas and New Years week. The dispatcher at the window said “there be will no here to update you for 2 weeks”. Than I ask “how can I get legally get updated” and he said “that was not his problem”. Than ask for a receipt for my visit and he refuse. I went to the public defenders office and told them what is happening. A attorney got on the phone and called the police chief and than I was told go back to the police station and got updated and they have been nice to me since.

    • R M

      @Harry. Great job! The same thing happened to me when the regular sheriff’s officer who does registration was out sick during the window I had to register. I complained and got registered.

  7. The Vampire

    The Hit/$ex list is very disrespectful!!! It has been ever sense the government put murder and sex and human trafficking all in the same boat. Just to catch people. Once you are caught you are now a CAN of tuna to be graded as A or B or C!! You are now sub humans never to be forgiven cause you rank up there with murderers even though you didn’t kill anyone! but you killed the victim’s soul and that victim will never recover for the rest of their life!!! The victim will dwell on the past forever with the help of cops and prosecutor. Oh and the nut case parent to keep reminding the victim it not your fault even when nothing happened

  8. USA

    Good article. I registered years ago and the clerk was upset? Angry? Maybe had an earlier issue? Never saw them again. I initially had annual visits and the guys where respectful etc. Yet, when I asked questions? Clarifications, they didn’t seem to have an answer? In summary, I’ve never seen any other type of conviction result it so many rules/or requirements! Registration? Put on the web? Location where you can reside? Beach ban? Travel ban? Work restrictions? Halloween restrictions? Yet, there are many still on the registration with misdemeanor or expunged convictions from years ago? While, we have repeat gang members, drug dealers, killers, robbers, prostitutes, drunk drivers and people with rap sheets the length of small books not required to register? It’s ridiculous

  9. JM

    Our 290 son is on probation for a non-sex offense. One of the conditions is to have employment. Within a week after release from jail he was hired after disclosing everything to the employer and after the employer had called the probation agent. The day before he was to start his employment he had a meeting with the probation officer whereas she called the employer to request that they not hire him. She also forced him to sign a paper stating that he was a participate in their resident program (which he was not, since 1. he being a 290, he doesn’t qualify. 2. He lives with us. They told him he had to sign in order for them to get funding and if he didn’t, they would violate him.
    We wanted to file a complaint, but as a registrant being on probation we were too scared to do so.
    He was hired anyway and has never missed a day of work. His probation ends in two months.

  10. FinallyOffTheReg

    Hello all and Happy Holidays.

    The greatest Bullying and Disrespect I ever had was from The Federal Probation folks. Never once from the Public. Now off the Reg for more than 1.5 years, I am still given snide comments and treated as an incurable and a danger wherever I go by them.

  11. The Vampire

    Happy holidays too all of you sub humans maybe one day we will be equal to the so called sinless class of our peers! But as john Oliver puts it. Watch how evil people can be Once a person does time or pay for the crime IT should be done and over. Not adding on more!

  12. The Vampire

    And too add!! The media is hand in hand with law enforcement who will not give you a fair trial cause you been tried by the cops and media on TV! But maybe we in time can be humans again.Even though 99.5% of sex offences don’t end with a death. But the cops and victims want to shame you Forever!! Even though you payed the fines and time!!! But that don’t happen to drug dealers or murderers!!# We the only exception to the rule that we register and have a label.Yes i feel just like the jews feel!! Made out to be sub humans. This has to end!!!\

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