Two years ago, my world was rocked to its foundations. My husband had just retired from a very long interesting military career. He went into a terrible depression and refused to acknowledge that he needed help.
He got himself into a situation which happened to be a sting. He was charged with the intent to meet a minor for lewd and lascivious acts. All because the so-called minor asked him two questions that pertained to a sexual nature. He only answered them. The questions were general like: Do you consider yourself a good kisser? Answer: I’d like to think so. Then she proceeded to play on my husband’s emotions: My parents aren’t here, they are out drinking and I’m scared and hungry. Can you bring me some food???
He was working in another town so I was not with him. However, I was able to read the “discovery papers” provided by the sheriff’s department. He went over to the house and sat in the car until he got a text message saying she wasn’t quite ready, so come on in. Once he entered the house he was charged with felony residential burglary. In California if you enter a building to commit a felony you are also charged with the burglary with carries a state prison sentence of many years.
After several court appearances, our attorney told us about the plea deal: One year in county jail and 5 years probation and registration on the sex offenders registry. They would drop the felony burglary charge if he accepted the plea. He has some pretty serious medical issues. One week after being in county jail, I got a phone call from the sheriff’s department asking me is I was aware that my husband was an inmate there (like I didn’t already know that), did I know he applied for electronic monitoring, and if granted where would he live. My answers were yes, yes, and apparently he would have to live in my house. They said come and get him tomorrow. Now this man, who was so dangerous to society was released before I got there and was left to wander the parking lot.
So probation begins. By allowing him to live in my house, I have been told I am subject to all the terms of his probation. I had to remove anything that pertained to children. I could not have liquor in my house. I cannot have my grandchildren in my house. My things have been searched during house probation visits. I have been lead into the living room and been required to sit there while they search. WHY? Because they have to have the premise secured. I was even escorted by two female deputies from my bedroom to the living room. I am not a criminal, but am treated as is I am the one who committed a crime. Why can’t I have my grandchildren in my home? I would never leave them alone with my husband – Never did, why would I start now? He’s not into young children – Too noisy. I can’t even have them there with supervised (other adults) present.
My husband lost his job, I retired to spend our retirement years together. So our income has been cut drastically. We have had to declare bankruptcy. I’ve been looking for employment, but if a background check is included I live with the fear that his SO status will be revealed because I live in the same house with him.
He is required to go to weekly sex offender treatment class where the offender will learn to rehabilitated. Some of those tasks they are required to do are so awful that I wonder where they come up with them. His particular counselor has the belief that once you are convicted of a sex crime you will continue to commit them and therefore cannot be rehabilitated. Meanwhile, my husband refuses to leave the house because of paranoia and the threat of vigilantism.
My life has been destroyed. My friends and family that know about this have abandoned me because I won’t leave him over this situation. I don’t believe for a minute that my husband is the monster the district attorney, the probation officers, and the judges seem to think he is? He had no visible victim, no sexual paraphernalia on him. He was charged with a crime he NEVER intended to commit. But because law enforcement decided he would definitely do something to this girl based on two questions he was charged. As far as I’m concerned, he is only guilty of making stupid decisions without thinking through the consequences. I’m the one serving the sentence. Some of you may be offended by my story.
I am writing it in hopes that someone out there can direct me to a support group of wives / girlfriends/significant others of registrants. The counselor that I was seeing is of the mind, that once a sex offender they will at some point reoffend or that this was not the first time he has done something like this. She point blank asked me if he sexually abused my children (before she even knew I had children). Thankfully, my children are adults and live with their families.
Any suggestions for me?
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