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Living with 290

Living with 290: My dad is dying

He wants me to go back to Missouri to help him work on a few things that still interest him. He wants to die at home and he needs someone there because his wife is close behind and unable to care for him. He wants to die with dignity – at home, under his own terms.

He is one of the last surviving WW II vets and most of his life after he worked in the defense industry with a high security clearance. He helped design the B1 Bomber and worked a lot with the stealth design we rely on today. His job dealt mostly with radar tests. Like WW II, he didn’t talk about it much. Not at all, really.

So I was all set to go and was working out the details. Of course the laws were something always in the back of my mind. How onerous was it going to be? I don’t see how it is possible to go back there. Here in California my address is not listed on the public sex offender registry, but back there it would be. His name and home would be up for ridicule, maybe worse. Maybe some loony-tune would take action. It happens too often. Maybe my help would do more harm than good. Do I take that risk? What if something happened to him, his wife or his home? Some loony-tunes don’t understand the registry and make assumptions. I looked at their registry and didn’t understand it either. All the offenses look similar.

I can hear it now: “You should have thought of that before!” I should have thought of the public registry before there was one. OK, but he doesn’t deserve to die without support. He fought for our freedom and then served our country after and he doesn’t deserve this isolation. And after almost 25 years of being offense free I should be able to go back and help him without putting him and his wife at risk.

Sorry. I didn’t know where else I could vent.

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  1. Q

    “They” could care less about the sacrifices your dad made. In fact, “they” diligently work to undo the remaining freedoms we have because of the sacrifices your dad and his generation made for our benefit.

    Perhaps you could bring them out here. I know that would be a financial and logistical challenge, but if you want to keep your family out of the very real danger you mention I see no other option, aside from hiring in home care for them; I’ve heard some real horror stories about in home care, but I’m sure there are some good ones out there.

    Your story makes me realize even more how those that push these laws and all of the proponents screaming to take away our freedoms and rights have undermined the very core of the family unit for registrants, as well as for the segment of this society that is still free, although I think they may be too distracted with the manufactured fear of us to realize or recognize it.

    • LM

      Sadly all true. They don’t even allow SOs to live with dignity, much less die with it.

      • Q

        That fact in and of it’s self should be a crime.

        • LM

          Nothing is going to change until the voices of the victims are squelched. Their personal and emotional biases is what’s fueling the perpetual hate and onslaught of new laws, requirements, guidelines and hoops of fire to jump through just to stay out of prison. It’s only going to get worse before it gets worse. In America, the term “sex offender” is your slave given name. Guess we didn’t learn the lessons of the civil war.

  2. Terry

    Hi My Dad is Dying, You are in a tough situation. I originally come from a Midwestern state (Ohio) but have live in Cali going on 20 years. I have been considering the same question with moving my aging Mother here. I researched Ohio laws, as expected for the Midwest, the law is worse in some ways back there.

    The way I see it is, you can either: 1. move back and take the risk and deal with Missouri law. Maybe you can move back after your Father passes. 2. Or you can bring him out here. Either way its going to present new challenges regardless of the decision. If it were me, I’d move him here.

    Keep us posted.

    Hang in there!

    • George

      Thanks for the thoughts everyone. Terry, he wants to stay in his home. It is more complicated than that now, but that is what he wants to do. I’m considering renting some place out there so his address would not be listed. Maybe a motel at first. Still trying to work it out. He really needs someone there 24/7 though.

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