Who do you tell, what do you say and when do you say it?
That’s just one of the many dilemmas facing single registrants trying to reintegrate back into the dating world.
Getting out there an socializing is risky business and it’s filled with many possible pitfalls.
But this is what you are supposed to do isn’t it? Isn’t this what those prison lectures on “reintegration” were all about. How you’re supposed to get out there and resume your life, build a support network of friends and acquaintances, build relationships.
What those reintegration lectures failed to address was the little issue of “socializing when you are wearing a scarlet letter.” How is that supposed to work?
In today’s techno-era, meeting people is most often accomplished by joining a dating website and swiping left or right. But that doesn’t work for registrants who may not be allowed access to smartphones. And as for dating websites, a lot of those websites specifically exclude “sex-offenders” from joining.
Nope, most registrants can’t get back into the dating scene this way.
This is an outstanding letter and could be used itself in court as the evidence of additional punishment and hardship. I know for me, when I offended I was having relationship problems, I was lonely, and depressed, and so I was sitting home at night on the computer mindlessly surfing around which led to my demise. So now I have paid my debt for my mistake (in theory), I understand what I did wrong and what led up to it. so what do I do now, well, due to the excessively harsh restrictions of being an SO I can’t really access the solution, which is to be out dating. So I have lots of good information in my head, but I am sitting home lonely and depressed. At least before I got in trouble I had a very good job, now I don’t have that,
True, and because it’s true it is not very helpful. Frankly, a long time ago I decided not to drag a woman through this mud with me.
I’m not ever dating again, I can’t handle the stress it causes for relationships.
I can imagine. It is bad enough when you are married and the spouse is accepting of you, but the society won’t let scabs heal. It always picking at them with new laws, when you sort of adjusted to the old. There are always some restrictions that affects them also, being the spouse and sharing finances, entertainment and socializing, they share life and share the restrictions imposed by this pseudo regulatory scheme. The spouses are ostracized, too, and rightfully wonder why they put up with it staying with the registrant. It makes all doubt and have fear to hope. It is social poison. The registry destroys and can not nurture. It must be abolished or more will die.
To all those that are missing that “closeness” a relationship brings, I have personally gone thpaidy to play dating route. I call an escort service, take a beautiful woman to dinner, maybe go shopping, the theatre, the beach, whatever you want. I have a woman that knows my background and my relationship status ( my wife died 3 1/2 yrs ago from cancer). She listens and is turning out to be a great person to be around. Sure, there is always the money factor.You have all the fun and none of the stress. Not for everyone, but fits my lifestyle.
I would like to clarify. The woman I see knows of my status. She is not judgemental. She told me once early on that there are men out there that have no record that she wouldn’t go near for any amount of money.
I too have stayed away from dating, especially if I thought a relationship might develop. I do not want another person to have to go through the nonsense that I, as a RC on community supervision, goes through. Not that I haven’t wanted to date or even marry, that time of disclosing my past fears me to no end. Each and every time that my past is disclosed, 99% of the time nothing good comes from it.
Very few people in my life know my past (although, I am publicly listed on the state/federal websites). I choose very closely who I tell of my past or who even I become friends with, it’s usually a matter of them already having an idea of why I am so recluse and private or a need to disclose. My immediate family members know and a very very few others.
Going on a date may be okay, but if there is any possibility the relationship would go further, it would take a heap load of trust on my part and I’m not usually willing to do that.