There are silent wars going on in thousands of households across this country. They are the quiet, underlying disputes between family members of registrants, those that speak openly about the registrant in their lives and those family members that take the “less said, the better” stance.
Both sides may be totally at peace and supportive of the registrant they care about, but a cavernous gap lies between the opposing sides, as gap as wide as the Grand Canyon.
For many of us, the more we open up to family, friends and acquaintances about the un-justices of the registry, the more we advocate, the better off we feel registrants will be.
Our counter-parts see things much differently. Their mottos are something along the lines of “let sleeping dogs lie” and “don’t air our dirty laundry in public.” They are leery of bringing unwanted attention to their families, they worry about the embarrassment they might face, and for many, they’re just plain scared of the unknown.
At some point early on, both sides discussed who they would tell and what they would say about the registrant in their life. Discussions may have led to arguments and arguments to angry words. One side wants to tell family and friends, they want to speak openly, they want the support that others can provide. The other side doesn’t want anyone to know anything. They’re fearful of “word getting out”, that family, friends, and the community may turn on them merely because of their association to a registrant.
There are no winners in this kind of war. No right or wrong.
The silent war is occurring right now. Spouses slowly, unconsciously, cease discussing the topic with each other. Parents disagree and distance themselves from grandparents. Grandparents no longer boast to friends about their grandchild. Children quietly wonder why all the grownups are mad.
We stop communicating, we are caught up in the insanity of the registry and it is straining our relationships. The silence is deafening.
We need to take a breath and realize that the silent war is not us against them. It’s not our viewpoint vs. their viewpoint.
The silent war is all of us against “the silence”. A silence that has kept us from speaking to each other, from speaking out against the registry.
We need to end the silent war.
We need to communicate with each other so that together we can communicate our views to the rest of the world.
United we stand. Divided, we don’t get anywhere.