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Living with 290

Living with 290: Without an answer

I know that I posted this earlier in the general comments. Someone suggested that it should have gone under, living with 290. So for those of you who have already read this, I’m sorry. I have tried to edit this and make some changes. But I have done all of this on my phone, so I ask that you excuse me.

I really don’t know how to tell this story, so I will simply start from the beginning. You will have to forgive me for my grammar is essentially non existent. So grab a snack and a box of tissues for the sob story, which is our lives.

In 2007 when I was 26 years old, I was accused and plead out to having a consensual sexual relationship with a 17 year old girl. I had no real criminal history prior to this. I had the distinction of being the first (and only) person in my family to go to prison. In march of 2008, I signed a plea agreement for 3 years with half time, and three years of parole.

At this point I had already been in custody for about 17 months, so I signed under the notion that I would be going home in about a month. A couple of days later I was told by my attorney that he had just learned that half time was not available in my type of case. He then informed me that the rate is firm at 85%. Which would essentially keep me in prison for another year.

I filed immediately to withdraw my plea, but the court said “too bad, we make and change the rules how we please”. Not in so many words, but that’s the distinct impression I was left with. Of course I filed an appeal, but at this point I decided to just hunker down, and prepare for the ride that is prison. As it turns out prison was infinitely easier and more comfortable than jail could ever hope to be on their best day.

Fortunately, I had my parents backing me. They were sending me packages,  putting money on my books and sending me a steady stream of books to read. Before I knew it, my time was up and I was ready for discharge to parole. I was unleased upon the world on may 15th of 2010. My father picked me up at the gate. The very first thing we did on the long drive home, was stop at in-n-out burger. I had been dreaming of that for the better part of three years.

The day after my release, my father took me to meet my agent. He explained the rules I must follow, or risk going back on a violation. This is also when he informed me, that my parole was now 5 years, instead of the 3 I signed for. I was so exhilarated at being out, that I decided to get pissed about it later, and not ruin my good mood. At this time in San Diego, the residency restriction of 2000 feet was still being enforced. My parents house, was about 1980 feet away from the park down the road, so that was not an option. Undaunted I forged ahead, and I was able to find an apartment, and get myself situated.

I mostly laid low for that first month. Trying to get acclimated to my new surroundings, and develop a routine. My agent was by the book, but fair. I did as he asked, and he would give me enough rope to hang myself with, but I never did. Then in late June of that year, I come to the realization that everybody I knew prior to me going to prison, had either moved or changed their number, or both. I then resolved to make new friends, and rebuild something that resembled a life.

So I went on craigslist, and posted an add in the strictly plutonic section. I said that I was merely looking for a friend to chat with. I received a few replies, mostly phishing ads, but one response was very different. It was a woman, who was here from China. She was studying to get her masters degree. We instantly hit it off, and started chatting back and forth online. I would find myself sitting, and waiting for her to come online, (Stalker Much?) so we could resume our conversation (nothing dirty mind you).

As required by my parole, I informed my parole officer that I had made a female friend. He proceeded to inform me of my obligation to tell her of my status as a sex offender. If I had not and he came to visit, and she was present, he would violate me if she didn’t know. She and I had been chatting for almost two weeks at this point, and I had grow very fond of her. The prospect of losing her, terrified me to no end. So that night, when she logged on, with my heart in my throat, I told her of my situation.

Nothing I have ever endured in my life, has come even remotely close, to the agony I experienced waiting for her reply. After what seemed like a lifetime, she replied, and it said “OK”. Which was soon followed by a string of question, about my offense, and my restriction, ect. At the end of the night, by some miracle, she was still talking to me. About a week later, we met in person for the first time. We instantly fell into a relationship together.

Everything at this point was going well, and I was very happy with my life. A little over a month into the relationship, we decided it just made more sense, for her to move in with me. Then in October, we hit our first road block. she got pregnant. So of course, I was obligated to inform my agent. Considering my conditions, one of which is no contact with minors. I was curious as to what my options were. So during his next home visit, I gave him the news and asked what I should do?

He told us “You won’t get permission to see your child, until you are off of parole. So you can either, have the baby and separate, or get a termination.”. At that time I was still under the belief that his word was law, and believed that they were my only two options. So amazingly, she made the choice to get the termination, so she could remain with me. It wasn’t until much later that I would learn there were other options I could have explored.

In December of that year, we decided that it felt right, and December 10th of 2010 we married. Despite the tragedy we had just gone through, we were both happy just to be together. So naturally after we married, I filed for her change of status. So we could remain together, without fear of her visa expiring, and her getting deported. So I read online what documents were needed and what information was needed, and prepared them accordingly. About 3 months or so after we sent in the application, as well as the almost $2,000 in filing fees, I received a reply from USCIS.

They set an appointment for her to be finger printed, and asked for additional information regarding my conviction. I sent the documents they asked for. Then we waited again, and again got a request for more documents. This went on for about a year, and then finally, her application for a green card was denied. I was very confused. Because so far as I understood, getting her a green card is pretty straight forward. After doing some research, I discovered that I had run up against the Adam Walsh Act, which prevents people who have to register, from petitioning for a green card for anyone.

I was floored, this was the first time I had ran into a restriction, that wasn’t related to parole. Of course I wanted answers.  Because this just seemed ridiculous, any way I looked at it. The best explanation I got was, ” its intended purpose, is to protect women from unknowingly marrying a sex offender, and not finding out until she is already here…  “. Well that doesn’t really apply with us. Because she already lives here, knows everything about my case, and still married me. Yet I still am unable to get her a green card, without filing for an Adam Walsh Act Waiver.

They run about $5000 to start, with a cheap attorney…  And most don’t even know what it is, or how to do one. The law is still too new, and not often come upon. Likewise, there is very little resource material for them to draw from. Eventually my wife’s visa expired, and she continues to live with me, without status for the foreseeable future.

One thing I neglected to add in, was that for the entirety of my incarceration, my parents were residing in Australia. This is because my father had work there. They only came back to the states for a little bit, to help me get situated. My father went back after only a week or two. But my mother stayed with me in the apartment, a few more months until rejoining him there.
After almost two years on parole, I was assigned a new parole officer. Within a month, I was arrested for my first violation, use of alcohol.

Lucky for me, they had just passed a bill to empty the prisons. So the max you could spend in jail was 72 days for a violation, instead of a year in prison. When I eventually got home, I was fortunate enough to find my wife still waiting for me patiently. Unfortunately, this was only the first time she would have to wait for me. We continued to fight for her green card, while doing all we could to support ourselves. With work difficult to find, especially when your new P.O. starts calling your new boss, and asking for you. Its not hard to imagine that the task of supporting ourselves, was no simple thing.

We were still fortunate enough to have my parents to lean on, in case of an emergency. That all changed in October of 2012. My father was admitted into hospital in Australia. It was discovered, that cancer had riddled his entire body. He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer about 5 years earlier. He said that the treatment and surgery worked, and that he was in the clear. He lied. He lied because he didn’t want his wife of 42 years to worry, and to be happy with what little time he had left. He also wanted to keep working, so that they could afford to remain in Australia, where he knew she loved it so much. Which meant he didn’t have  time to sit around being sick. He also knew that I wasn’t out of the woods yet, and would still need money here and there.

So he lied to not burden our hearts and thoughts. He continued to work right up until October 2nd, when he succumbed to the cancer and passed away. He went from working, to hospital, to gone , all in the span of a week. The entire time acting, and ensuring us that everything was going to be fine. This of course, destroyed my mother, he was everything to her. She had always had him to take care of everything, and be there for her for 42 years. Their 43rd anniversary was going to be October 10th.

Of course with my restrictions on parole, I was unable to go to my fathers bedside while he lay dying. Neither could I go help her prepare for what came after. I guess I should also mention at this point that my mother was of failing health, for quite some time. She had recently been confined to a wheel chair. My older brother was able to go out and help her pack, and make the arrangements for her return here to the states. The decision was made that she would come to live with my wife and I. Also just recently the 2000 foot restriction had been lifted, so we could live again in my parents house.

My mother tried to put on a show, and act like she was going to be OK. The truth was that she was lost without my father, and hadn’t the slightest clue of which direction to go. I soon learned that the mortgage on the house was in default, and had been for several months. The mortgage was about $3,500 a month, which is well above my pay grade. Even with my mother chipping in her monthly SS check, it just wasn’t enough. So I did some research, and started my mother down the path of declaring bankruptcy, so she could keep the house.

I would catch my mom silently crying alone, and telling my father how much she missed him. How she wished to be by his side again. How alone and scared she was. I would also hear her ask questions of him, mostly asking what she should do. Every time I heard her, it dug a little more at my soul. To know the amount of pain and suffering she was going through, and I was powerless to help her.

It got to be around Christmas of that same year. She had fallen into a routine of self soothing, with pain killers and alcohol. So on December 23rd of 2012, while doing the chores around the house. I happened upon my mother in her room, sobbing because this would be the first Christmas in 43 years, that my father wouldn’t be there. I think at this point my soul snapped, and I couldn’t bear it any longer. So I went out drinking to drown my pain, and take respite from the world. Just my luck, I ran into police that night, who called my P.O., who then informed them to take me to jail for yet another violation.

So again I went back to jail for a roughly two month all expenses paid vacation. I would receive emails from my mother and wife almost nightly. Then about two days before I was due for release, my name was called on the intercom. They were telling me to roll up my stuff, because I was being released. Now this was strange firstly because it was two days early, and at that time it was almost 9 or 10 at night. But I’m certainly not going to argue about being released early. I asked the guards, but they had no answers for me. After I was processed out and pushed out the door, I was confronted with my older brother.

He then informed me that the day before, my wife had come home from work, and found my mother on her bed not responding. She noticed blood coming from somewhere she couldn’t see. So she immediately called 911, and the paramedics came and whisked her to hospital. The doctors informed parole that my mother was on her deathbed, and they agreed to release me early. When we arrived at the hospital, I saw my mother connected to all sorts of tubes and machines. I was the told by the doctor that an artery in her lower esophagus had ruptured, and she was bleeding internally. She was unresponsive to any kind of stimuli, and primarily being kept alive by life support. After discussing things with my brother, we decided to end her suffering, and terminate life support. So it was on February 28th of 2013, my mother reunited with her beloved husband. I can’t tell you how hard it is, to lose both parents in less than six months. That’s a one two punch I never saw coming.

Soon after my mothers death, I received a call from her bankruptcy attorney. He was looking for her to sign some forms she had originally missed, and needed in order to file. I was forced to tell him of her untimely demise, and asked if there was any recourse we could take. To either complete her bankruptcy, or at least keep the house. Her attorney informed me that, he needed her alive to do anything. So it would seem, that lady luck has given me the middle finger again. So it came that a number of months after my mother passed away, my parents house was sold at auction.

It actually sold for more than what was owed on the house. Of course, the vulture creditors swooped in to gobble that up at the estate hearing for their unpaid debts. This meant that we were soon to be homeless, and with nothing to show for it. Aside from the box of ashes which contains my mother. Fortunately, by going through some of my parents old documents, before our impending eviction. I was able to discover the whereabouts of my parents 40 foot RV. I was able to gain possession of it, and drive it back to the house. We proceeded to load everything we could into it, and everything else went into storage.

Finding a spot to park and hook up a RV, is infinitely cheaper than trying to rent an apartment.  It wasn’t long after we started living in the RV, that I received several calls regarding the whereabouts of my parents RV. Because it had never been fully paid off. Of course I was obligated to tell them that I had not seen it in several years, and last I heard it was parked on a friends estate in Ohio. Weather they believed me or not, I think they got the point that I am not the one to ask. It was also around this time I think in May. That we discovered my wife was pregnant again.

This time though, I knew of other options. So I filed right away for an exception to my conditions, for my daughter. The first attempt went through the process (which takes quite a long time), and somewhere around the regional office, it was lost for unknown reasons. Of course I was not informed of this for months. So I started the process again from the start. Then on October 28th of 2013 while I was out, parole decided to do a sweep of my house, part of “Operation Boo” I believe. You know, to make sure that none of us monsters are around, to snatch kids in front of their parents or anything. Considering that it has never once happened ever.

So they raided my house, and berated my Chinese wife with a barrage of questions. Her English is pretty good, but if you go too fast, or there are too many people talking. She can easily get confused. Especially with the shock, and fear of suddenly have law enforcement barge into your home, and start digging through everything. They eventually came upon my wife’s laptop, and started asking her if it belonged to me. She got confused, and thought they were asking if we owned it or not. So she said yes. They immediately opened it up, and asked her for the password (which was in Chinese). She saw no harm in it, so she unlocked it for him. They of course asked her how to get to the files, and the internet because the entire computer was set for Chinese.

After not finding anything in the files, they turned to the web history. Some time later, they happened upon a website with woman in a very revealing outfit, and text in Chinese. They asked her what that webpage was. So she told them that it was a pop up ad for some Chinese porn site. She also told them that she receives those all the time, linked to Chinese websites. Now mind you, I do not know Mandarin. I don’t know how to speak it,  aside from a few choice words, and I certainly don’t know how to read it. Despite that, they followed my GPS signal to where I was and arrested me for use of porn. I tried to talk reason and common sense to them. But I might as well have been speaking in Mandarin, for all the good it did me.

So back I went again for another 2 months. I was stressing a lot this time, because I knew her due date was set for January 17th. Which ironically was my mothers birthday. They ended up releasing me in early January, so I was able to be there for the delivery. I also learned upon my release, that I had a new Agent again. He knew of the baby on the way, and that my permission was not yet granted to have contact. But he kind of turned a blind eye, while I was at the hospital with her. January 17th came, and still no baby, so a week later we are starting to worry and call our doctor. He set up an appointment for us on the 25th, to induce labor. So on the 25th we go to the hospital, where they put her in this really nice large room. She had her own personal delivery suite.

They hooked her up, and started the IV of medication that would help along her delivery. After several hours, they noticed that she was dilating some, but not nearly enough. So they decided to give it some more time, and see what happens. By that time, the contractions were growing pretty intense and frequent. So they ordered her an epidural. The night came and went with staff checking in every so often on her progress. About mid day on the 26th, one of the doctors decided to break her water for her, to see if that would spur things along. Still nothing. So that night, they informed us that for some reason she is not progressing. They wanted to do  C section.

So on the morning of January 27th, our daughter was born unto us, and she was absolutely perfect. I was the first one who got to hold her, while they stitched my wife back together. I know I had heard people say, that your entire world and perspective changes, the first time you hold your own child in your arms. They were right, they were so incredibly right. As I held her in my arms in an adjacent room, with a couple of other new dads, I noticed that she was the only one who wasn’t crying at all. Instead I saw that she was staring up at my face, studying it intently. In fact, she didn’t cry the entire time, until they stuck her in the leg with some vitamin K. Soon after, we were issued in to rejoin my wife in recovery, so she could see and hold our baby for the first time. We learned what the problem was. Our daughter was born at 8 pounds and 6 ounces. She actually had a little bit of a cone head at first. Because she was trying to come out, just my wife wasn’t big enough.

She took right to breastfeeding, without any coaxing at all. She was very mild tempered, and rarely got fussy unless she wanted something, usually food. We spent an extra two days in the hospital for her recovery, but then it was back home. Of course it was home for them and not me. Considering my permission had yet to be approved, I was relegated to living in my Jeep. It could have been worse, but my wife called me all the time to make sure I was OK. Every once in a while, she would sneak over and see me for a little bit. I also had an opportunity to stock the jeep with any supplies I might need beforehand. Such as clothes and a portable grill. I was also working at the time, doing windshield repair to help bring in some money, to support myself and my family.

I considered myself fairly fortunate, because I had a friend who knew of my situation. He runs a production studio, and usually has to work at night as to not disturb the other tenets in the building. He would let me come in, and crash on his couch while he was working. This went on for about two weeks, until early one morning at work. I was confronted by that sex offender task force. They put me in handcuffs and arrested me. When I asked for what, they told me failure to register. At that time I was registered with the downtown police department. Because that is area in which I was sleeping. What I didn’t know, is that my friends office is located exactly on the line separating downtown, and another cities jurisdiction. His office was literally on the wrong side of the street.

They also tried to argue, that I failed to register his office as my address. So back to jail I went, and a few weeks later I was seen in court for my preliminary hearing. I had a public defender who absolutely rocked. the court was trying to send me up for 6 years, with a new felony and a strike. Luckily when we presented my case in court, she made it clear. That since I had no belongings in his office, and I also did not receive any mail and did not possess a key. That proved that it was not my residence. The judge saw the reasoning of that. Then to drive home that I was not trying to be deceitful, and had simply made a mistake with my registration. She showed a picture of the line, and where I was. Also that there was no signage saying, that I had crossed over to another city. She then called up the registering officer, and asked how many times I had registered, and if I had ever been late. He answered that it was 14 times, and No, I had never missed a registration. The Judge threw out the case, because it was clear to him that I was not breaking the law. Of course, I still had to do a two month violation for parole, which made no sense at all.

When I finally was released again, I went right back to living in my jeep, and working the same job. I was blessed to have a boss who knew, and understood my situation. He also knew that I wasn’t a monster, and just trying to get by. So things went back to how they were before my sabbatical. Not long after I got out, I received a visit from CPS, questioning if I had seen my daughter?. This kinda pissed me off, because I thought, “who are they to ask? Isn’t that for parole to investigate and enforce?”. But I remained civil, and ended the meeting without incident. Of course, it should also be noted. That throughout the entire meeting, I was treated with disdain, and talked down to. As if I was something less than human. It really wouldn’t have mattered what I said to them, their opinion was set in stone before they even met me.

I had learned from my Agent, that my request to change my conditions had disappeared yet again. Before I could file a new one, I received a call from my wife. She was in a bind, because her work had said she can no longer have her baby at work. She didn’t feel safe leaving her with anyone. Also she didn’t have the money for a sitter or daycare anyway. So she left her with me. Which was against my conditions at the time. I told myself that it was only for one day. That I would find an alternative for tomorrow. So I babysat her in my jeep, and walked her around in her stroller, and fed her every 3 hours.

That day, it so happened that at the supermarket I was parked at. There had been an incident, where a man walked in, sexually assaulted another man, and then ran off. I had no idea this was going on. Then police arrived canvassing the area looking for that man. So they happened upon me, babysitting my daughter in my jeep outside. So they started asking routine questions, such as “Are you on parole or probation?”. I was honest and said yes, and told them the reason I was on parole.  I also told them, that I was just waiting for my wife to get off of work.

At that, they were prepared to let me go. Except the younger one asked me, ” Would your Agent be OK with everything, if I told him about our contact with you, and you babysitting your daughter?” .  I still have no idea, why I said no and told him the truth. Maybe I was just hoping that he would see that I wasn’t doing anyone harm, and maybe respect the fact that I had been honest with him. His partner wanted to do just that, and let me go my way. But he refused to let it go, and resolved himself to talk to my Agent before letting me go. Of course, when he finally did get a hold of him. He told them to take me back to jail, again. And the police had me call my wife, to come and pick up our daughter.

So back to jail I went, and was ready to sit back and wait it out again. Three days later though, I believe on May 5th, I was dragged into court unexpectedly. I had no idea what was going on. Then they ushered me into the courtroom, where my wife and daughter were present. They proceeded to cite Family Law 3030 in California. You can find a copy of it here.

To paraphrase, it states that no one who has to register as a sex offender, and their victim was a minor, shall be granted custody or unsupervised visitation. Unless the court finds, that there is not an immediate threat to the child. Part 3 of that same code states, that if is ever found that a minor is permitted unsupervised contact with a sex offender, that had a child for a victim, shall be prima facie evidence that the child is at significant risk. So they can immediately remove your child, which they did right there in court.

While my wife was trying to pay attention in court, one of their imps suck up, and snatched our daughter. The court then ordered services for my wife, and nothing for me because I still didn’t have permission. I later learned that the state appointed lawyer handling my case, really screwed me then when he did nothing.
So the circus began, they would order her to do something, and she would do it. Her case worker started off by saying that unless she divorced me, they would make sure she never gets her daughter back. I know there are probably people out there screaming that we should have just divorced to make them happy and get back together later. Unfortunately my wife’s entire bid for a green card hinges on our marriage. We did separate when I came home. She went to stay with a friend of ours, while I remained at the RV.

Upon my release in July 2014, I filed a new petition to change my conditions. I settled in for the long wait, and continuously checked on the status. Meanwhile my wife was going to all of her appointments, and all of her visits. When we would go into court, they would fabricate lies about her, saying that she was combative and would frequently not show up. Except we had logs of all the appointments she went to, including the ones they canceled. This was the first case for this case worker, and she was trying really hard to “make her bones”.

She even took to stalking my home, looking for my wife to show up. She also used my agent to try and gain access inside for her. Because she knew she had no authority. My wife was able to eventually get unsupervised visitation. Things were looking promising, so long as she continued to tell them that the divorce was pending. And you better believe, they asked about it every chance they got. So one morning, my wife was preparing to go to court the following day. She discovered that she failed to take an important document when she moved out. So she decided that she would just come, and grab it and be gone.

So she went in and retrieved the document, and was ready to leave less than a few minutes later. Mind you our daughter was not present. When I walked her back out to her car to see her off, wouldn’t you know that the case worker is walking up. She was accusing her of being with me. I explained that she was merely picking up some papers she needed for court. I pointed out that our daughter was not with her. It Didn’t matter, she put her back on supervised visitation. Claiming that she had no idea, if she was allowing me to see my own daughter or not.

So my wife falls back into a routine. Completing what they asked her to do, and them lying about us. There would be long stretches of time, where they gave her no instruction on what she was to do. Despite her repeated calls and inquiries. There were still months at a time she couldn’t progress. Because they didn’t assign her anything to do, and she had already completed everything they had asked her to do. So this continues for quite some time. The judge just licks up anything CPS craps out. They would accuse her of not progressing, when it was they didn’t giving her something to do.

So we are now well into 2015, and the foster mom they had placed her with filed to become the defacto parent. Meaning amongst other things, that she wanted preference for adoption of our daughter. Which of course she was granted it. Then in July, my Agent tells me that they are enforcing a new judgement that came down. He said I should file my petition again immediately. So I did, and true to his word, in August of 2015 I was granted a exception for Biological children in my conditions. Now it was my thought, that since I had full permission from parole to see my daughter without restriction. That it would certainly mean an end to the case. Because the entire complaint was that, she had allowed me to babysit our daughter when I didn’t have permission, and now I do have permission.

Well that is what any sane and rational person would think. But again we are dealing with the California legal system, need I say more?  So before hand, I hire an attorney who instructs me to go get not one, but two independent psychological evaluations. So I do, and they are both good, showing that I am in no way a threat to my daughter. So we march into court armed with my permission, and two psych evaluations. The judge simply said that I could have supervised visits, but I wouldn’t get services because its too late in the process. At this point I am stunned.

What is the reason they are still holding our kidnapped daughter ransom? I not only solved the issue of the initial complaint, but also went a step further to prove that I wasn’t a threat. He said to my wife at our 12 month review, ” You obviously don’t comprehend the enormous threat that he poses to your daughter, because you are still married to him”. This also comes from when my wife was on the stand, they asked her if she believed I was a danger to our daughter?. She froze and couldn’t answer. One reason being that she is Chinese and does not want to throw her husband under the bus publicly, because she knew the answer they wanted. The second reason being that she didn’t see me as a threat.

She knows of my conviction, and all the details, but in the 5 years we have been together. She has never once saw anything that might give her pause or doubt. Her husband is not the man on that paper, she doesn’t know that man. Either way it didn’t really matter. Once the case worker decided to put her back to supervised visits, the decision was already made. Everything else from that point on, was simply for show. So they can claim they went through the process, and gave her every opportunity.

What a sham.

So I started my visits with my daughter, who I had not see in over a year, besides pictures. It took a few minutes for her to warm up to me the first one or two times I visited. But by the third or fourth time, she would be saying daddy, daddy in the car the whole ride there. She would then run over to me and give me a big hug screaming Daddy!!. And it broke my heart, each and every time I heard her say it. I can think of nothing so cruel you can do to a person than take their children and dangle them in front of your face with no hope of ever getting them back. Which is exactly what they were doing to us.

Every time we went into court, they would make up new lies to further their agenda. They even claimed to have had a woman write up a psychological evaluation on me, without ever speaking to me??  Then the judge ordered a culturally sensitive psychological evaluation for my wife. Which they didn’t do until well after their deadline. Then they ended up paying some woman, who doesn’t even speak mandarin. She had told them she doesn’t have the qualifications to do one the first time they asked her, and she said no. Only for them to come back and threaten her with loss of business unless she agreed and wrote what they wanted. So of course it depicted my wife as some mentally diseased, and unstable person. So we went out and got a real one for her, that plainly shows their evaluation is BS. But there goes that judge again, lick, lick, lick.

So after the 12 and 18 month review, they move our daughter to an adoption case worker, to evaluate her adoptability. So in other words, if our daughter had be mentally or physically impaired or defective, we would have had our daughter back a while ago. because it would be difficult to adopt her out, and they can’t make money on that. Of course our daughter is perfect and thusly ruled to be “Highly Adoptable” which to them mean $$!!. So with the recommendation for adoption from CPS, the judge orders for a contested .26 hearing. Which is to determine weather or not, this is enough to warrant termination of our parental rights.

The date set for February 3rd, 2016.

So we set to preparing everything we can in preparation for hearing. I guess so I could believe that somehow their was a chance for justice, and we could get our daughter back. Keep in mind, this whole case so far has been about “Maybe” ” could” “possibly”. Because it was never alleged that we ever did anything to harm our daughter. This has all been fought on the premise that they think, maybe sometime in the future, I could possibly do something. Except that I have provided ample evidence to show that I won’t. Since when did we start prosecuting crimes that haven’t happened yet? Did I wake up in minority report? There is only one thing about this whole case that I understand, and that is the fact that I have no understanding of any of their reasoning and logic related to this.

You would think that just someone thinking something isn’t enough to warrant destroying a family, and stripping people of their parental rights. I could think things about people all day, doesn’t mean weather they are true or not. Weather they will or won’t happen. I believed our system didn’t care until after the fact, but then again, look at the laundry list of other sex offender laws and restrictions. If you were to recite them to someone from another country, they would think you have gone mad. This is just another law designed to punish sex offenders any way they can get away with, and alternatively also punish any spouse willing to stay with us. They ultimately want us alone, miserable and homeless, so that we either kill ourselves out of depression, or prove them right and re-offend out of deaspiration.

So February 3rd came, and we marched into court with our heads held high. We presented our cases and gave compelling testimony on the stand. Well it would have been compelling to anyone other than this judge, lick, lick, lick. Must taste awfully good. So after a days worth of presenting, the judge wasted no time in finding that he thought there was sufficient reason and terminated our parental rights and services. Meaning that now we can only see our daughter at the whim of the foster mom, who had been party to a few lies of her own. Of course we have filed for appeal. We have been told that we have a strong appeals case, but who knows how long that will take, or if it will work at all.

I had my wife talk to the foster under that premise of preserving our daughters Chinese heritage, so they met in person and talk for a while, and finally agreed that she should be able to have her Chinese heritage, and thinks it would be good for her to see her birth mother up to two or three times a YEAR? That is clearly a slap in the face. I know that I have no possibility of visits, so I won’t even waste my time. What is so maddening, is that the case worker was asked. If we were to have another child right now, would they just come in and take our baby? She said that she doesn’t see any reason to remove it…    So why can’t we have the one we do have back now? That to me make absolutely no sense at all.

So a date was set about six months out to finalize everything, and clear her for adoption. But get this, just to add insult to injury, both my wife and I have just received documents, saying that we are to pay child support. So let me get this straight, they kidnap our daughter for no reason, make us jump through their hoops for entertainment, destroy our family and take our parental rights, give our baby to some other woman…  And want us to pay for the privilege?…    You have got to be F-ing kidding me. I don’t think I have ever heard of something so crule.

I think the worst part is feeling alone, and powerless. Because it seems like everyone who hears our story, says “That doesn’t seem right” or “How can they do this?”. To this day, i have yet to find someone willing to fight this on a constitutional level with me. I really feel like I have been robbed of my constitutional right to have, and raise a family. I sometime imagine that in the judges bathroom, he has the constitution printed on his toilet paper. Because he seems to be wiping his ass with it in regards to our case. It is getting near impossible to look my wife in the eyes. To see how much pain and suffering she is having to endure because of me. To know that she is being made to suffer for my sins. I have failed my wife. I have her failed as a husband, a father, a protector and a provider. I could really go on and on, but it would just sound like whining.

My options are running thin, and my time is running out. At this point, I am grasping at straws for any kind of help or hope. I can’t give enough credit to my wife, who has stuck by me through all of this. Its for her, and my daughter that I will never stop fighting. Not until our daughter is back home. All we ever wanted was to raise our family is peace. Please, if anyone out there has an idea, or is willing to help, I am very open to suggestions. Alright, I’ve had enough of this already, I am going to stop before I get really worked up. Thank you all for reading this, and for any comments or ideas you might have. If you really want to get a hold of me for questions, just ask in the comments. Thank you again.

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Wow, what a ordeal. I truly hope someone will be able to assist you.

Sorry, but I don’t believe your story. Everywhere you turn, you seem to have an issue. I don’t buy it! i.e.: both parents die/bankruptcy/lose the house/thrown in jail/lose child. Sorry

If you like, I more than invite you down to our RV where I can supply you with the documentation proving every word of this is real. I don’t blame you for finding this hard to believe, I probably would as well if I wasn’t stuck living it. I believe we have hit pitfalls made for RSO’s at virtually every turn. Please don’t view this response as spiteful or venomous. I truely do invite you to our home, warmly and probably with a meal as well (try to be a good host). The jail, the immigration even my parents passing I can deal with… But losing our daughter, (which they are about to finalize the adoption to this other woman) is too much. Especially considering that our daughter was never harmed or neglected. The whole case was based on presumption. It was all about “possibly”, “maybe”, “could”, “perhaps”, hapeen if she were returned to my wife and I.

What’s worse is that the case worker was asked if this would happen again if we had a child right then, and she said “I don’t see any reason we would remove the child.” And yet we can have our daughter back now? As of April 1st I am finally off of parole, so there definetly wouldn’t be any issue now (or so I hope). I’m not looking for sympathy, I am looking for help in getting our daughter back home. Right now me getting off of parole should be an occasion of elation, yet it feels like a hollow victory without her here. We just want to be a family and live in peace, that’s all.

USA, seems like you just go with the default of he’s lying. Would you want to hear my story? I can tell you about all the jobs I have lost, girlfriends who the PO ruined, and my homelessness. Really dude? WTF.

Have you ever heard the saying, “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all”?

Apparently you have led a life filled with irresponsibility and bad choices.
Sometimes you just have to accept the consequences and choose a different lifestyle.
Then things will get better.

You have been robbed…I believe most of your story and inside myself, I just go, “Yep, that’s the way it is.”

I have seen really bad adoptions that to me seem like child stealing.

I have no answer nor help for your situation. You are fighting the entire weight of your society, all the mechanisms, all the agencies, all the powers that be…

Yours is a difficult, even physically unhealthy situation…It sounds to me like you have fought the good fight….and must just continue the fight as best you can.

You still have a wife, which many of us do not…you have lost a child…there is no one that can sympathize sufficiently.

You just have to keep on keeping on.

Best Wishes, James

Thank you James,you are right about fighting against the entirety of society. Yes, I am fortunet enough to have a wonderful wife. She doesn’t deserve to suffer and lose her daughter on behalf of me. I still can’t quite wrap my brain around that after the appeal, if that fails then that is it and nothing else can be done. I can’t wrap my brain around it because it just seems so fundamentally wrong. I can’t accept that there is nothing to be done.I just don’t see how something this wrong could be allowed to stand…

The problem is that I am fighting with everything I can muster, even though the game is rigged. I am screaming to get everyone to look at this, and not let them continue this behind their closed courtroom door, Securely out of public view. Except my voice isn’t strong enough on my own. I need to get this out to as many people as possible so they can feel outraged like I am. If I get it out to as many people as I can, maybe sooner or later it would reach the ears of someone with a stronger voice than I. Someone that is willing to do something, and rally their people. Maybe, if we get enough voices behind this and shine a bright enough light on the travesties they are committing. They will finally decide that it is more trouble than its worth, and give our daughter back.

Of course, that’s what I hope for, but I know its probably just a dream. Thank you for reading our story, if you really want to help, then repost this anywhere you can. If everyone did that, it widens the net, and the odds go up. I’m off of parole now, so they can’t hold that over me any longer, so I’m going to kick and scream as loud as I can. Thanks again, and I wish you and yours a wonderful weekend.

Jon ,, well for what its worth , I buy every word of your story , and I think pitfalls is a light way of putting it , strait out traps is what they are , most of us know a lot about those traps , I just wish I was rich so I could help many RSO’s , fact is me and my family are one step from being homeless, I went to youtube for a little bit today , and seen a lot of videos about not just homeless RSO’s , but just plain homeless , and it seems to me that everyone ,from the middle class down to the dirt poor seem to be traps , even so many kids that these finger pointing witch hunters say they care so much about , Traps set for them so that the powers that be can make money off of them with phony propped up programs to Help” them” child protection people taking kids away from loving parents , just because some witch hunter called the Hot Line” with no proof , and the Child Protection” have came in with cops and beat the parents half in front of the Child ! then after making the parents jump through hoops , they still take the kid or kids , just so they can farm them out , sad but fact , and its been going on for ever , and look at all the not just family’s but kids that fall through the cracks and end up on the streets , no home no food , were are the Grate Witch hunters then? everyone should go to youtube , even if it for a min’ and find the vid were this tv crew took this little girl to mall and just stood her out there looking lost , over 600 people walked right by her , and only 1 stoped to see if she needed help , and many other vids along the same lines , I live around a lot of homeless and see them every day and know what they feel like , but most of them have no idea whats its like to be an RSO homeless , how people look at us when we have to go with our hat in our hand and ask for any thing , just to be turned away , and our familys seeing and feeling it as well , another night in the cold , no were safe , matter of fact we have to worry about some freakazoid finding us on some web page so they can further punish us , but what about all those homeless kids? don’t they need help? I can see what the problem is , the fact that there is no web site to go to , the yellow fingered cheeto eatin trolls cant look them up , and what fun would that be? because they could eather come here and make stupid commets hopping it makes us feel all the more beat down , or they can jump on the witch hunter site and screw our whole family around , so they can see them selfs as Hero’s for punishing us yet one more time , I mean its so much easyer to do that , rather than putting down there cheese doodles and that joke of a Monster Drink” away and go do something good for people , before someone else gets hert , because from were I am all I see homeless hungry People’ homelessness and hunger is an enemy , RSO’s are people with real feelings just like the rest of the homeless , we even have people really stalking us , as well as the rest of homeless folks , Good Luck Bro , Semper Fi

That is right, kelnothiding, people have the videos to look at to see how our policies are really putting people underwater, like we approve of socially water boarding those down on their luck like it fulfills some Darwinian mandate to filter out the unworthy and purify the collective bloodline. And instead the majority go onto face book and drool over the lifestyles of the high and mighty. Seems strange the average folk dream about the chance to breath that rich, rarefied air, but can’t see themselves thrown into the deep, which is more likely. And build lifeboats for those who are there, and for themselves also, who may trip on the deck made slippery by the slimy laws spilling everywhere and fall in.

Jon, pay no mind to USA. He’s the resident troll. Every person who has shared their story is met with his “I don’t believe you. Sorry.” line. A majority of his posts are about criticizing fellow RCs and building up his own ego. All of us who post here already have him figured out.

As a silver lining, though, it reminds us that there will always be a few people like him to doubt, criticize and judge. It helps us build a thicker skin. It’s just unfortunate (and ironic) that this is coming from a person who is sitting in the same RC boat.

Good luck.

This is a tragedy and an unusual of power. I think you should try to get a Hollywood agent for movies to turn this case into a true story. Are tell your story on some talk show like Dr one are someone well known in order to get your case out there to millions of people to get a petition going against these stupid entities that think they can lie and cheat because they have the power to do what they want to people. Best wishes to you and your great wife.

Jon, I believe your story and it is truly heart breaking. I met you once at one of the San Diego meetings, and you told your story to some extent. I know that you may have made some bad choices while on parole, but sometimes, it just seems impossible to follow every rule, especially if you are not aware of the rule or did not have the means to research each and every rule, parole or registry. I hope you will never stop fighting.

anybody that’s a rc in this country and still wants to fly the good ol US OF A banner like USA does must have some mental disorders so I wouldnt pay much attention to him. I’m disgusted to be an American at this point in time. USA seems to still be proud of the fact regardless of the oligarchs in power

I have more respect for dictators, tyrants, oligarchs, even terrorist, then I do for our politicians, at least the latter do what they do for an ideology or for a bigger picture then just personal political gains.Politicians are the scum of the earth way worse than the most despised rc çould ever be even USA

I meant at least the former do what they do for ideology or belief instead of personal gains mostly

At least with Tyrants, you know where they stand. Politicians on the other hand will lie to your face smiling, and at the same time twist a knife into your back which was their true agenda. The problem is right now, everyone is still in a “Thats not going to be me!” Mentality. They aren’t thinking about it happening to their children, or friends or anyone else they care about. And when it does finally happen, they are the first to say “What the hell are all of these laws and restrictions doing here? I didn’t know that we made it so hard on people. We need to change these laws because they are unfair!”. Its sad that people in general don’t care so long as its not them. They are more than happy to slam their foot down on you throat, without a care. Of course they quickly change their tune when its their throat now under the foot of society. I don’t know about the rest of you out there, but I am sick and tired of being stepped on and walked all over. If they are going to step on me, then I’m going to do my best to be a giant nail in the bottom of societies foot.
I mean to fight with everything I’ve got, too many people just lay there and let the world use them like a doormat. They think things will eventually get better, they think “someone else is fighting for us, so I don’t need to, and there isn’t anything I can do to help anyway.”. The only problem with that is, if everyone thinks someone else is going to do it, then nobody will. What I would really like to do is organise a picket like outside of the federal courthouse before our appeal for our daughter is heard and decided. But I can’t do it alone, I need people to stand with me and make our voices heard. Even if its only this case, we can still take pride in our victory. If the appeal is unsuccessful, we can still hold our heads high knowing that we made a stand and used our voices. So like Jerry Maquire would say, ” Who’s coming with me?”. If anyone is willing to come stand with me, my email is and I will send the dates and times for the appeal so we can work out our plan. Please stand with me, and thank you.

You guys are funny. I’m a realist. The last person who wrote a story like this stated he had been convicted of an offense related to a minor/got kicked out of his prior home and was residing with his uncle. Then, by some miracle, the minor somehow got the uncles number/called at midnight asking for help and guess who was up at that time and answered? Now, this guy just posted the same exact story he posted 6-9 months ago? Yes, I do have a mental disorder. It’s called common sense. I’m not the one rationalizing my actions. I plead to a battery 20 years ago/expunged/summary probation. I’ve sense obtained a graduate degree and I’m no better than anyone else. Although, unlike yourselves, I don’t go around calling people names and I’m not afraid of providing opinions. Per the story, he is his worst enemy. Lastly, if it makes you guys feel better and you won’t to judge me/please do. Best regards . You guys can judge me/call me names/become angry ect, but I won’t respond. I have better things to do. I bet your static 99’s are off the charts!

USA ,, your much nicer to your self than others , you say your a realist ! well that’s being very kind to your self , I am not here to judge you or anyone else , but it just seems that if you just have to make someone feel like warmed over crap there are plenty of places to go do that , but you chose to come here to kick people that are already down and in pain , rather than come here a help people get back up , you just keep kicking people , I don’t have time to call you names , it takes to much energy to be that negative , there are many things to choose from , like maybe help other people see that some of us really do feel another’s pain , rather than inflict it on others just as a way to deal with our own darkness , everyone feels this pain that seems to cut through your very spirt , and that’s all the more reason that we should be kind to others in walking the same path , you don’t even have to like someone to stand with them and maybe reach out and help them stand, respect will go a long way , you never can tell you may need the very same people to help you stand when the next load of negative crap lands on your life , you see any time I see someone being kicked down I feel it to , and I will not just stand there and watch , because so many times in my life when it would have been so helpful if someone would have just stood up so I could see that I was not alone , then win lose or draw I would have had one person that knew the truth at hand , not the so called truth of finger pointing power freaks ,we really need to stand together , there are way to many out there that see us trying to climb the latter of life and everytime there are countless people standing at the bottom grabing our feet and trying to pull us back down again and again , at some point someone needs to stand post at the bottom of that latter and keep witch hunters at bay , while our lawers take point and help pull us to the top , its ok to be kind ! we all can over come the unjust things on our path , but its going to take a lot of kindness and respect for us to be able to keep All of us standing and moving up that latter , peace everyone ! Keep No Keepin ON !

Guess I am still on my own. You know, it feels like everyone is just standing there, watching this horrific thing happen and saying “This is horrible, this isn’t right, this type of thing shouldn’t happen”. But the whole time doing nothing with their hands in their pockets. Its alright, not like I expected a miracle or outpour of support. I guess I just hoped to find people will to stand with another for what is right. I thank you for the comments and advice, unfortunately it takes a lot more to change a court order. I just wish I could get this on the news, or some popular publication. I would like to think that enough people would see it and feel compelled to see what is right done, and make a stand. I guess at this point I really am looking for a miracle, and I’m not sure its going to happen. I am pretty sure that if we lose our daughter with no hope of getting her back, that I will likewise lose my wife. She is a tough girl and has been through more than I ever wanted for her. To be honest, I sometimes wonder why she is still here. My wife and Daughter are the only family I have left, without them I am nothing…

I have gone through all the stages in this nightmare. I am now at the last one. I go on, and whatever happens, happens. I keep a bottle of helium for that moment when I have had enough. Don’t try to get past it, because that doesn’t happen. They won’t let you do that. To them, you are a sound bite, a revenue stream, a tool to be discarded. We are like a dog with rabies. Everyone likes the dog until they realize,then they are scared too near him for fear of catching the disease. The dog is cast away to die a painful death, alone and unwanted.

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